Wedding Bells & Wacky Birds/Transcript

Wedding Bells & Wacky Birds
Interior. Marino High School classroom.
Ms. Townsend:	The purpose of life skills class is to prepare you for the future. Though, honestly, nothing can prepare you for when your deadbeat boyfriend crashes your car and leaves you for your pilates instructor. Anyway, for this week's assignment, everyone will pair up and put together a budget and a visual presentation for one of these major life events.
Ally:	"Retirement. Baby shower." Ooh! A wedding. Let's plan a wedding.
Austin:	Ally... Will you make me the happiest man in life skills class and fake-marry me? And promise to honor and cherish me until the bell do us part?
Ally:	I do.
	et's make a budget for the best fake wedding ever.
Ms. Townsend:	You two make such a cute couple, just like Philip and I used to be. He stole my heart... Then he stole my waffle maker.
Dez:	I know how you feel. I was a cute couple once. Her name was Carrie. Probably still is.
Ms. Townsend:	I'm sorry. Are you supposed to be in this class?
Dez:	Nope. Congratulations on the fake engagement, buddy. If you break his heart, I swear I will destroy you. Toodles!
Theme Song.
Interior. Marino High School.
Ally:	Okay, fake fiance, ready to plan our fake wedding?
Austin:	Yeah, Ms. Townsend gave us a budget. We just have to figure how much pretend money we can spend on stuff like flowers, food, and a bounce house.
Ally:	We're not having a bounce house at our wedding.
Austin:	It's not a real wedding.
Ally:	Yeah, but that's real tacky. Hey, you know what we should do?
Austin:	A petting zoo.
Ally:	No, for our presentation. Let's dress up like a bride and groom.
Austin:	Great idea. I can be the groom.
Ally:	Yeah. And obviously, we'll need flowers. I always pictured having a bouquet of lilies and orchids at our wedding. Not that I've thought about it.
Austin:	I always pictured having a big, awesome, six-layer white chocolate cake at our wedding. Not that I thought about it either.
Ally:	This is kinda weird, huh? Talking about our future together.
Austin:	It's actually kinda fun.
Dez:	Carrie used to love things that are actually kinda fun. Everything keeps reminding me of her, especially these Aquasmile ads.
Austin:	Then why don't you stop looking at them?
Dez:	I can't!
Trish:	Guys, big news. Guess who booked Dez a job directing a commercial!
Dez:	Trish, you did that for me?
Trish:	You need something to get your mind off of Carrie, plus, as your manager, I get your entire paycheck.
Dez:	You're such a good friend.
Austin:	So what's the commercial for?
Trish:	Armand Bianchi's new fragrance. Emu.
Dez:	E-what now?
Trish:	It's a big bird. Anyway, Armand wants you to start right away.
Dez:	Okay.
Trish:	Not this second! Do you even know where you're going?
Dez:	No!
Austin:	All right, Ally, let's get started on our presentation.
Ally:	Oh! Ooh. I just got a text. My label needs my new single by this weekend. They want me at the studio right away.
Austin:	That's cool. I can get started without you.
Ally:	You're the best. Thanks, hubby-to-be.
Austin:	Trish, wanna hang out and help me plan a wedding?
Trish:	Oh, sorry. I just got a text that says I don't feel like doing that.
Interior. Commercial studio.
Dez:	Thanks for coming to the commercial set to support me, Trish.
Trish:	Oh, I'm only here for the pampering. These assistants will do anything if they think you're important. Hi, I'm important. Is there anyone on set who specializes in manicures?
Armand Bianchi:	Ah! Dezington!
Dez:	It's actually just "Dez."
Armand Bianchi:	No, it's not. Shh! Listen. Do you hear that?
Dez:	No.
Armand Bianchi:	Exactly! If a tree falls in the woods but no one is there to hear it, is lumberjack plaid still in fashion?
Dez:	Ye-no-yes.
Armand Bianchi:	I knew you'd understand. Now, let me show you the new face of... Emu. Carrie!
Dez:	Carrie?
Carrie:	Carrie? I mean... wait. Carrie? Darn, I did it again. Dez?
Dez:	Just act normal. 'Allo, Carrie. I look forward to working with you in the morning. Pip pip! Cheerio.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Austin:	But if we go with chicken instead of steak, we'll have money for the silver napkin rings, which is perfect, because it'll match the ribbon on Ally's dress.
Trish:	You know what I'm thinking?
Austin:	That the silver is a missed opportunity to inject some color?
Trish:	Close. I'm thinking you should share this junk with Ally, 'cause I stopped listening after you said, "hey, Trish, listen to this."
Austin:	I would, but Ally's been recording all day. I had to call the florist, the D.J. I even hand-wrote an invitation in calligraphy.
Trish:	"Fish sticks bubble gum train"?
Austin:	That says "dear wedding guest."
Trish:	In what language?
Austin:	Well, check out what else I made. It's a little Austin and Ally bride and groom for the top of the cake. I carved them out of soap.
Trish:	Well, good luck, groomzilla.
Austin:	Hey, Ally, are you almost here?
Ally (on the phone):	I can't make it.
Austin:	Are you doing that thing where you call and say you're somewhere else but you're really standing outside the door? I love it when you do that.
Ally:	Austin, I'm stuck at the studio.
Austin:	Stuck at the studio right outside the door?
Ally:	Hey, I... I gotta run. I really wish I was there with you, but hey, at least we have our whole future together, hubby-to-be.
Austin:	At least I get to hang with you, soap Ally. You'd never get so busy where you couldn't make time for me. (in high-pitched voice) Sorry, Austin, I have music to record. Bye! (in normal voice) Looks like it's just you and me, soap Austin. (in low-pitched voice) Sorry. I've got to go stand on top of a cake. Bye.
Trish:	I came back to get my phone. I'll just go get a new one.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Ally (voice):	We have our whole future together, hubby-to-be. Our whole future.
Austin (in dream):	Hey, Ally, I have everything set up for our special dinner. Are you close?
Ally:	Bad news. I can't make it. I'm stuck in Paris. I'm really sorry I'm not there for our fifth wedding anniversary.
Austin:	Eh. You weren't here for the other four... Or our wedding. You even missed the birth of our octuplets.
Ally:	Mmm. My bad.
Austin:	Hey, I thought you were in Paris. There are no pyramids in Paris.
Ally:	That's because this is your dream. Look, now I have a mustache.
Austin:	What does it all mean?
Ally:	Obviously, this is all a symbolic manifestation of your fear that in the future you'll be left behind while I tour around the world. I don't know what the mustache means. It's just... weird dream stuff.
Austin (awake):	Oh man, my future is horrible. But even with a mustache, Ally's still pretty.
Interior. Commercial studio.
Trish:	So are you sure you're going to be okay shooting your ex-girlfriend's commercial?
Dez:	Trish, I'm a director. I can be professional and put my emotions aside.
Trish:	So it doesn't bother you that the commercial is about a passionate romance between Carrie and her hunky male co-star?
Dez:	What? Emotions!
Trish:	Whoa. Speaking of hunks...
Dez:	Tell me that's not Carrie's co-star. Tell me that's not Carrie's co-star.
Landon:	Hi, I'm Carrie's costar. Can we talk camera angles? You see, I'm worried that the left side of my face is only super handsome. Whereas the right side of my face is super, super handsome.
Dez:	Both sides seem fine.
Trish:	Very fine. Trish De la Rosa, manager. Newly single.
Landon:	Hi. Oh, and I noticed that my left pec is a tiny bit more pronounced than my right. Do my pecs seem lopsided to you?
Trish:	I'm gonna have to look at them more closely.
Dez:	Okay, people, let's get into wardrobe and get this thing over with. All right, this part's not too bad. Not loving this part so much. Cut!
Trish:	Dez, what are you doing?
Dez:	I can't watch Carrie with that guy. Look, he can't keep his eyes off her.
Trish:	I think you're overreacting.
Dez:	Well, I don't think you're overreacting enough! I have to change the entire concept of this commercial. Whoo! Okay. New plan. When you smell the fragrance, I want you to think, "yech! Get that as far away from me as possible." Now, instead of a boring old kiss, let's end on a high five! No touching. Let's try it. And action. Ooh! And after the high five, let's all dance like chickens.
Armand Bianchi:	What is going on here?
Dez:	Your concept wasn't working. Need I say more?
Armand Bianchi:	Yes, you need say more! Dez, Emu... it's about fire and passion! Not silly high-fivery and chicken dancing! I demand you return to the original script!
Dez:	I can't! It's your star. I can't work with her. I quit!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Austin:	Phew.
Ally:	Okay, I'm finished recording. I know that our wedding presentation is tomorrow morning, and I'm ready to rock this thing. So what's left to do?
Austin:	I already did everything.
Ally:	Oh. Wow! Aww! You made the lily and orchid bouquet that I wanted. Oh! And you did the invitation and calligraphy. Who's "fish sticks, bubble gum train"?
Austin:	That's not what it says! Sorry, I'm not a professional fancy writer. I did the best I could with no help.
Ally:	Are you mad? You know I really wanted to be here. You made it sound like you had the assignment under control.
Austin:	This isn't about the assignment.
Ally:	Then what is this about?
Austin:	I don't know. It's just... I'm worried about our future together. First, you're too busy for our presentation, and next thing you know, you've got a mustache and you're off to Egypt to look at the Eiffel Tower. Our octuplets deserve better than that.
Ally:	I don't know what any of that means.
Austin:	It means maybe this fake engagement was a mistake.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	Austin, I'm so sorry. I've been so busy, I lost track of what's important.
Austin:	Maybe I overreacted. I had this weird dream about our future where you completely pushed me aside.
Ally:	I promise I will never push you aside. Now scooch aside. We've been a lot of things over the years... Friends, boyfriend and girlfriend, ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend, friends again...
Austin:	I think I get it.
Ally:	But... we've always been great partners. And I'm so lucky to have you.
Austin:	Thanks, Ally. I feel the same way. I'm gonna go pack up the stuff for our presentation. I'll see you in the morning.
Ally:	Okay. Bye. (in high-pitched voice) How am I gonna make it up to you, Austin? (in low-pitched voice) Bounce house? (in high-pitched voice) I have an idea. I'm gonna stay up all night and make your dream wedding cake. (in low-pitched voice) Well, thank you. Mwah! (in high-pitched voice) Oh, Austin, stop it. Oh, stop it, stop it. Oh, let's dance. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo...
Trish:	I came back to get my sweater. I'll just go get a new one.
Interior. Commercial studio.
Landon:	This one is smolder nine. Similar to smolder seven, but a little more smoldery.
Trish:	I still like smolder three.
Landon:	You know, that's my favorite, too.
Trish:	We have so much in common.
Carrie:	Trish, can you give this letter to Dez?
Trish:	Mm-hmm. It's blank.
Carrie:	Exactly. I have nothing to say to him.
Trish:	Okay, Carrie, I know you're mad, but Dez is just heartbroken because you dumped him.
Carrie:	I dumped him?
Trish:	Uh-huh.
Carrie:	He dumped me.
Trish:	What are you talking about?
Carrie:	We were at dinner, celebrating our half-birthday... we have the same half-birthday, but not the same actual birthday. Everything was great, until Dez broke up with me.
Trish:	Wait. Okay, Carrie, walk me through exactly what happened.
Carrie:	We finished eating, and when the waiter came to take our plate, out of nowhere, Dez said, "we're done."
Trish:	You have got to be kidding me.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Trish:	Carrie, when Dez said, "we're done," he was just telling the waiter you were done with your meal.
Carrie:	Oh!
Trish:	Yeah.
Carrie:	Wait. Oh! Wait.
Dez:	So? At dinner that night you said, "I don't wanna date you."
Carrie:	I said, "I don't want a date. Eww." You know I don't like figs, prunes, or dates.
Dez:	Well, if I didn't break up with you and you didn't break up with me, you know what that means, don't you?
Trish:	It means you never broke up. You're still a couple!
Dez and Carrie:	Yay!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Trish:	Wow. You really went all out!
Ally:	I stayed up all night making this. It's Austin's favorite flavor... white chocolate. I wanted to do something special for him to let him know that he can always count on me. Now I have 10 minutes to get to school.
Trish:	Well, let me see how it tastes.
Ally:	Hey! No one touches that frosting. All six layers have to be perfect. Okay. All five layers have to be perfect.
Trish:	Okay.
Ally:	Come on.
Trish:	Okay.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	We gotta go, we gotta go.
Trish:	Nice and easy.
Ally:	Okay.
Trish:	Nice and easy, Ally.
Ally:	Yeah, but we gotta hurry!
Trish:	Oh!
Ally:	You know, four layers should be plenty.
Interior. Marino High School classroom.
Dez:	I'm so proud of you. I never thought I'd see the day when I give my favorite boy away.
Ms. Townsend:	Austin, we're waiting for you to give your report. Where's Ally?
Dez:	Just give us a minute, lady. This is our special day.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	Oh! I made it down the stairs. That was the hardest part.
Trish:	He lost an arm.
Ally:	It's fine, whatever. Just put him on.
Trish:	Okay. All right, let's go.
Ally:	Oh! Ooh!
Trish:	Oh!
Ally:	Trish!
Trish:	Sorry. But who really needs more than three layers?
Interior. Marino High School classroom.
Ms. Townsend:	What are you doing here again? I told you, you're not in my class.
Dez:	Did you really think I was going to miss my best friend's wedding?
Ms. Townsend:	It's not a wedding. It's a budget presentation.
Dez:	Oh. Then what are you doing here?
Ms. Townsend:	I'm the teacher.
Austin:	Where is Ally?
Dez:	Maybe she got cold feet, buddy.
Interior. Mall of Miami.
Trish:	That's all right. We got it.
Ally:	We got it. We gotta hurry.
Trish:	Okay, here we go. Ready?
Ally:	Okay.
Trish:	Step.
Ally:	Okay. Oh! Okay. Okay.
Trish:	We got it. We got it.
Ally:	Okay. Hey, we're here. We're good.
Trish:	We got it.
Ally:	Look out!
Trish:	Oh!
Ally:	Oh, come on!
Interior. Marino High School classroom.
Ms. Townsend:	Austin, we can't wait any longer.
Austin:	I swear, she's coming.
Ms. Townsend:	I've heard that before. "Just running to the store," he said. And I never saw Philip again.
Interior. Marino High School.
Trish:	Move it! Out of the way! Cake coming through!
Ally:	Almost there.
Interior. Marino High School classroom.
Dez:	Don't worry, buddy. I'll go find Ally. Found her!
Ally:	Oh. Oh. Okay.
Austin:	Ally, you made it!
Ally:	I'm here! And... I made cake. It's white buttercream choc... okay, whatever. It's cake. I swear, it was six layers, had everything you wanted and was perfect.
Trish:	It's true. If you really want to see it, there's a layer in the quad... and the mall... And the music factory. Really, it's everywhere.
Austin:	I'm just happy you're here. And I can't believe you made our cake. We might not be able to eat it, but there's still enough to do this. Boop! That would've been a lot cuter if you weren't already covered in cake.
Ally:	Oh? Like this?
Ms. Townsend:	This is sweet and all, but can you please start your presentation?
Dez:	Shh! You're ruining the moment! Oh, just kiss her already.
Trish:	Is that pork fried rice?
Dez:	Yeah, that was all I could get on short notice.
Interior. Commercial studio.
Armand Bianchi:	Perfect! I would clap, but I'm not wearing my clapping gloves.
Trish:	Seriously? Are you trying to sell perfume or give children nightmares?
Dez and Carrie:	Emu.
End credits, end of episode

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