Tunes & Trials/Transcript

Tunes & Trials
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Ally:	Okay, let's try this again. You take the part that isn't a triangle and hit the part that is a triangle. Got it?
Trish and Dez:	Shh.
Ally:	Excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry. Was my working at my job getting in the way of your TV show?
Dez:	Yeah. That's why I told you to "shh".
Trish:	We're watching every episode of "Crime and Judgment". They just put out a collector's edition of all 182 episodes.
Dez:	It also came in this cool crime solving briefcase. Just like the one Detective Mitchell uses on the show. Also makes a great picnic basket.
Val:	Yoo-hoo, team Austin and Ally! Remember me?
Ally:	How could we forget you, Val?
Austin:	You're the whacko producer who tried to trick Ally into a five year contract.
Val:	Oh, so you do remember. Listen, I need your help. My group, The Stray Kitties, are one big hit away from having... Well, one big hit. And Ally, I want you and Austin to write the song that's gonna put them on the map.
Ally:	We'd love to, but...
Val:	Oh, great! Now let's talk money.
Ally:	Oh, you didn't let me finish...
Trish:	Ally, don't be rude. The lady's talking money.
Austin:	Guys, we're not gonna write her a song. Sorry, Val. We're just too busy right now.
Ally:	Yeah. Between working on our own music and not really trusting you whatsoever. It's just not gonna happen.
Val:	Okay. Well. It was worth a shot. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Austin:	Isn't that coffee hot?
Val:	Oh, it's scorching. Bye-bye now.
Theme song
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Austin:	This song rocks. I'm ready to put it out as my new single.
Ally:	Shouldn't your new single have... Lyrics?
Austin:	I knew it was missing something.
Ally:	Why don't you take a shot at writing the lyrics?
Austin:	Ally, last time I tried to write by myself, it was a disaster.
Ally:	So you struck out once. You got to pick your racket back up and hit that puck right through that hoop.
Austin:	You should really avoid sports analogies. But maybe you're right. I should give this another shot.
Ally:	I was hoping you'd say that. Here. I got you your very own song book.
Austin:	Aw, thanks, Ally.
Ally:	And look, it even has...
Austin:	Don't touch my book. I can do this.
Ally:	I know you can. Just think about your favorite things. People you care about. Write what you know.
Austin:	Well, that rules out geography. Because I just bombed my test. Did you know there's a West Virginia?
Ally:	Yes. Yes I did.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Trish:	182 episodes. Done. Totally worth not sleeping for four straight days.
Dez:	Let's watch the whole series again! Woo!
Trish:	Yes! "Crime and Judgment" Marathon, round two.
Ally:	No. It would be a "crime" for you to sit here watching TV for another four days. That is my "judgment".
Austin:	Woo! I did it, guys. I wrote all the lyrics to a song by myself.
Ally:	I knew you could do it.
Trish:	You wrote a song by yourself? Let me just save you the trouble. It's not very good.
Ally:	Trish, you haven't even heard it yet.
Austin:	Yeah. I think I've got a hit.
Dez:	I can't believe I was so caught up in this show I missed you writing a song. What else did I miss? Is there a new President? Was there a zombie apocalypse? I've got to call my grandma.
Ally:	Dez, don't be ridiculous.
Dez:	You're right. It's too late to save her from zombies. That motorized scooter only goes like two miles an hour.
Exterior. Food court.
Austin:	Break it down. So you can't hide it. No matter what you do. I'm gonna steal your heart.
Dez:	Wow. Your song's all over the radio.
Ally:	This is so exciting.
Austin:	Thanks.
Trish:	All right, let's cut to the chase. This song's obviously about a girl. "You drive me crazy"? "Angel smile"? Who is she?
Austin:	No one. It's not about anyone.
Trish:	Oh, come on. It's not about someone who's say... Wearing a striped shirt and picking something out of her hair?
Ally:	How'd I get a candy corn in here? It's not even in season.
Austin:	It's not about Ally. I told you, it's not about anyone. I just wrote the lyrics that sounded cool to me.
Ally:	I write love songs all the time that aren't about anyone.
Austin:	See?
Trish:	I don't know why you're being so secretive, Austin. These are the kinds of things your fans want to know about.
Austin:	My fans love my music, not the gossip. I guarantee they don't care who the song's about.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Austin:	Okay, so maybe they do care.
Trish:	Your fans aren't gonna leave you alone until you say who it's about.
Ally:	It's all over the Internet.
Trish:	And these magazines. I mean, I get "Teen Scoop" and "Miami Music". But "Fancy Cat"?
Dez:	Well, he does have a feline quality. Sort of an American Longhair.
Austin:	Dez, I'm not an American Longhair.
Dez:	Well, you're no Russian Blue.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Ally:	This is every girl you've ever been seen with. Including me. And seriously, they couldn't find a better picture?
Trish:	Look, Austin. If the song's not about Ally, then who's it about? We know it's about somebody. Just give us a name. What's her name?!
Austin:	Fine. Do you want a name? It's... Guitarla... Drumly. Guitarla Drumly. We're dating.
Dez:	Oh, Guitarla Drumly. How exotic.
Ally:	Dez, he's not actually dating Guitarla Drumly.
Dez:	Oh. Then can I have her number? I like exotic girls.
Trish:	I still think the song's about you, Ally.
Ally:	It's not about me. We agreed to just be friends a long time ago.
Trish:	You just shifted your eyes to the left. A sure sign you're hiding something.
Dez:	Now she blinked! A definite sign she's hiding something.
Ally:	You guys have been watching way too much "Crime & Judgment".
Dez:	Now she's rolling her eyes. Now she's shaking her head. Now she's turning away. Now she's walking away. Now she's leaving. I guess we'll never know if the song's about her.
Brooke:	It's not about her. It's about me.
Trish:	Brooke. We didn't see you come in.
Brooke:	I want to put the rumors to rest. Austin's clearly still hung up on our epic on-again off-again romance.
Trish:	More like off-again, never-again. You guys went on two dates.
Brooke:	37. If you count the ones in my dreams. Look. I made a page in my scrapbook for every date.
Dez:	Wow. You two are more serious than I thought.
Trish:	There's no way it's about her. Trust me, when they stopped dating Austin was so relieved when she... Disappeared. Man, she's like a ninja.
Dez:	I wouldn't rule Brooke out just yet. I saw them together a few weeks ago. I was frosting a cake at school when I overheard them talking.
Interior. Marino High School. Flashback.
Austin:	(gives Brooke flowers)
Brooke:	Thanks a lot, Austin. I'll never forget this.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Trish:	Well, that sounds suspicious. All this time I thought it was about Ally. But that makes it sound like Brooke.
Dez:	Not so fast. I also saw something suspicious at the Mall. I was frosting a cake at "Everything's Beachy" when...
Trish:	Wait a minute. Why are you always frosting cakes?
Dez:	Oh. I got an online coupon for a cake decorating class. Anyway...
Exterior. Food court. Flashback.
Austin:	I'm really glad we're doing this.
Kira:	Me too. The most important thing is that nobody finds out. It would ruin everything.
Austin:	Yeah. For now, it'll just be our little secret.
Kira:	You know, you're a really sweet guy.
Austin:	I know.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Trish:	Sounds like they're hiding the fact that they're back together. That makes Kira suspect number one.
Dez:	You'd think. But I also saw Austin and that European supermodel together. I was at Mini's...
Trish:	Let me guess. Frosting a cake?
Dez:	No. I was working on little sugar brides and grooms.
Exterior. Food court. Flashback.
European Super Model:	Austin Moon my boyfriend.
Austin:	I love you.
European Super Model:	I love you.
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Trish:	Oh my gosh, this is crazy! I'm even more confused now than when we started.
Dez:	I know. And get this! Just the other day...
Exterior. Food court. Flashback.
Austin:	This is the best cake I've ever had.
Dez:	Thanks, buddy.
Austin and Dez:	What up?
Interior. Sonic Boom.
Trish:	Wait. What does that have to do with anything?
Dez:	Nothing. I just wanted you to know I make a pretty mean wedding cake.
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room.
Dez:	We know you were with Brooke, Kira, and the European model. The song's got to be about one of them.
Trish:	Just tell us who.
Austin:	I'm not saying anything.
Dez:	Look. We could be here all night. Actually, I got to be home by 7:00. My mom's making pork chops.
Ally:	Why are you guys interrogating him?
Trish:	We've seen 182 episodes of "Crime & Judgment". This is how you get answers.
Val:	I have a question that needs answering. Why did Austin steal my song?
All:	Huh?
Dez:	Say what now?
Val:	I wrote the song "Steal Your Heart," then Austin stole it. Well, the song. Not my heart.
Austin:	What? No, I didn't.
Trish:	Wow. We knew you were missing a few screws, lady, but we didn't know you lost the whole toolbox.
Val:	Oh, don't act so innocent. You three helped him steal the song.
All:	What?
Ally:	That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Val:	A Judge will be the Judge of that.
Ally:	What? What are you talking about?
Austin:	What's a subpoena?
Trish:	You're suing us for stealing "Steal Your Heart?"
Austin:	You're just doing this to get revenge because we wouldn't write you a song.
Val:	Maybe. A Judge will be the Judge of that.
Ally:	You already said that.
Val:	See you in court.
Trish:	This is bad. If Austin's fans think he stole the song, his career is over. And I'm talking playing for pennies on the street over. Change your name and move to North Dakota over.
Austin:	There's a North Dakota?
Ally:	We really need to get you a map.
Interior. Court room.
Judge:	Order. Order. I hereby call to order case number 4284. The matter of... Ooh, a stolen song. Ooh! Austin Moon. This is going to be better than I thought.
Austin:	Trish, are you sure you're ready for this?
Trish:	Hey. I've watched 182 episodes of "Crime & Judgment". If that doesn't qualify me to represent us, then what does?
Ally:	I don't know. Maybe three years of law school, a few internships, passing the Bar Exam.
Trish:	I got this. Trish De La Rosa for the defense, your honor. My client's innocent. He wrote the song in question. Also objection, overruled, sidebar, recess, habeas corpus.
Judge:	Excuse me?
Trish:	Just proving I know what I'm doing, Sir.
Val:	And I am here to prove that I wrote the song and Austin Moon is a thief.
Judge:	This is getting good. Let's get this trial started. Ms. Crawford, do you have any evidence to prove you wrote this song?
Val:	I do, your honor. And I'll show you that evidence by calling my first witness.
Interior. Court room.
Val:	Dez, I couldn't help but notice you carry a briefcase. Is that new?
Dez:	Yep. Just like the one Detective Mitchell uses in "Crime & Judgment". Got it a few weeks ago.
Val:	Interesting. Because it's just like the one I had before it went missing a few weeks ago.
Dez:	Well, this one is mine. It even has a notebook with your name on it, a driver's license with your name on it... The lyric sheet to "Steal Your Heart" with your name on it. Hey.
Judge:	Oh, snap. Val just busted you. Ahem! I mean, proceed.
Dez:	How did I get all your stuff?
Val:	You stole my briefcase! Your honor, these are my handwritten lyrics that prove I wrote the song.
Judge:	That's pretty compelling evidence.
Trish:	Objection! She's lying and we can prove it. Can we prove it?
Ally:	Actually... I think I can. Your honor, I would like to submit the book I gave Austin to write "Steal Your Heart" in. If you open it, you'll find that it is... Completely blank.
Austin:	I didn't write it in the book. I wrote it on a napkin. It's right here in my pants. Which my mom apparently washed.
Judge:	Mr. Moon, if you can't offer any real evidence, I'll have no choice but to rule in favor of Ms. Crawford.
Dez:	What are we going to do?
Trish:	Austin, if you come clean and tell the court who the song is about, maybe we can convince the Judge you didn't steal it.
Austin:	But it's not about anybody.
Trish:	I know that's not true. And since you won't tell me, I'll prove it another way. Judge, I'd like to call my first witness.
Interior. Court room.
Trish:	Your honor, it's pretty obvious the song in question was written about a special girl. And I'm gonna prove who that girl is. Brooke, three weeks ago Austin gave you flowers at school. Did he not?
Brooke:	Well... Not exactly. Here's what happened. We were in school...
Interior. Marino High School. Flashback.
Brooke:	Did you get my flowers?
Austin:	Brooke, I told you. I'm not interested. I can't take these.
Brooke:	Thanks a lot, Austin. I'll never forget this.
Interior. Court room.
Trish:	Okay. So the song's not about Brooke.
Brooke:	Uh. We don't know that for sure.
Dez:	He's not into you. Move on.
Interior. Court room.
Trish:	Can you describe the nature of your relationship with Austin?
European Super Model:	Austin Moon my boyfriend.
Trish:	You hear that? They've even been spotted saying "I love you" in public.
European Super Model:	I love you.
Brooke:	I object!
Austin:	Me too! We're not in love. I've been giving her English lessons.
Exterior. Food court. Flashback.
Austin:	I love you.
European Super Model:	I love you.
Austin:	I love pancakes.
European Super Model:	I love pancakes.
Austin:	Boom.
European Super Model:	Boom.
Interior. Court room.
Trish:	Next witness.
European Super Model:	I love you.
Trish:	Yeah yeah yeah. I love you too. Get off the stand.
Interior. Court room.
Trish:	It's come to my attention that you and Austin have a secret. Is this true?
Kira:	Um... Yes, that's true.
Judge:	Order.
Trish:	Finally. Now, tell the court what secret you and Austin are hiding.
Kira:	I can't say.
Trish:	Austin's reputation depends on it.
Kira:	I really can't tell you.
Judge:	Remember, Miss Starr, you're under oath. Now spill the juicy deets.
Kira:	Fine. I was helping Austin get Maroon 5 to play at Ally's surprise party.
Ally:	Aw. You guys are throwing me a surprise party?
Kira:	Not anymore.
Ally:	Oh man.
Val:	Oh, this is a waste of time, your honor. Trish hasn't proven anything. She's just stalling because she doesn't have a case.
Judge:	I'm afraid she's right, Mr. Moon. I have no choice but to rule in favor of Ms...
Dez:	Wait! Don't make your decision yet.
Judge:	You have new evidence to introduce?
Dez:	Oh no, I was just in the bathroom. I didn't want to miss anything.
Trish:	Your honor, before you make your ruling, I have one more piece of evidence. Austin, I'd like you to sing "Steal Your Heart".
Judge:	Ooh! That's my jam.
Austin:	How is this gonna help?
Ally:	Just do it. You have to trust Trish. And the writers of "Crime & Judgment" who taught her everything she knows about the law.
Val:	Mm-mm! Mm-mm! Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm- -mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. I object. How is this relevant?
Judge:	I don't know. But I want to see Austin perform. Now, while Austin gets ready, let's take a 15 minute recess.
Dez:	Yay, recess. Meet you on the monkey bars.
Interior. Court room.
Trish:	Hit it.
Steal Your Heart.
Trish:	Well, there's your proof, Sir.
Val:	That he's a great singer and dancer? We knew that already.
Trish:	No. Now we know who Austin wrote the song about.
Judge:	We do?
Trish:	Yes. When he sang, he looked at every girl in the room. Except one. There's an obvious explanation. It was too emotional for him. Austin wrote the song about Ally.
Judge:	Order in the court.
Ally:	Um, your honor, may I approach the witness stand?
Judge:	You already have, so... yes.
Ally:	Austin, is it true? You wrote it about me?
Austin:	Yeah, it's true. I should have told you earlier, but I couldn't. You told me to write about someone I care about and that's you.
Ally:	Do you still have feelings for me?
Austin:	No. Yes. I don't know. All I know is I love being friends with you. And I don't want to ruin that. That's why I couldn't say it was about you.
Judge:	Aw.
Ally:	I get it. I'm happy we're still just friends, but I kind of hoped it was about me.
All:	Aw.
Val:	Ew! Your honor, this proves nothing.
Judge:	After seeing that performance and watching these two together, nothing can convince me Austin didn't write the song.
Val:	But wait wait, your honor. What about the briefcase?
Judge:	Anyone who saw episode 73 of "Crime & Judgment" knows, the briefcases could have been switched.
Interior. Sonic Boom. Practice room. Flashback.
Ally:	That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Val:	A Judge will be the Judge of that.
All:	What?
Austin:	What's a subpoena?
Interior. Court room.
Ally:	You watch "Crime & Judgment" too?
Judge:	All eight seasons. Case dismissed.
Steal Your Heart.
Judge:	I order the evidence to be presented again.
Austin:	Your honor, I've already sung it eight times.
Judge:	I told you... It was my jam. Hit it, Ally.
Steal Your Heart.

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