Comebacks & Crystal Balls/Transcript

Comebacks & Crystal Balls
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Dez:	Hear ye, hear ye. Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order the first Team Austin meeting in many a fortnight, and put forth the decree that we don our tricorn hats.
Austin:	Dez, why are you talking like that?
Ally:	And why are you dressed like that?
Dez:	I don't know. It's been so long since we had a Team Austin meeting that I don't remember what to do.
Trish:	Oh, usually you make weird suggestions and act like a total doof.
Dez:	Oh, good. So I'm doing the right thing.
Trish:	Well, since Jimmy Starr lifted Austin's performance ban, I've got an announcement. Guess who booked Austin's comeback concert!
Austin:	Thank you!
Ally:	Trish, that's amazing!
Austin:	Oh, it's gonna feel so good to be back up on stage again.
Dez:	It's gonna feel so good to have a best friend I can be proud of again.
Austin:	Thanks?
Ally:	This show is gonna be huge. Your fans haven't seen you perform in so long. They're going to expect something incredible.
Dez:	Which means we need a spectacular entrance. Lucky for you, I've had a lot of time to think about this, so I have a few ideas. Number one: Ride in on a camel. Could be one hump or two, but two's a little more expensive. Ride in on an ostrich. Could be male or female, but male's a little more violent. Ride in on a reindeer. Regular or flying, flying ones are only seasonal. Ride in on a whale. Killer or humpback. Humpback has a bigger blowhole if you want to shoot fireworks out of it.
Theme Song.
Interior. Mall of Miami.
Austin:	Okay, just one more store.
Ally:	Austin, I know you're excited, but you already bought 12 different jacket options for your comeback performance. Just pick one.
Austin:	Well, I can't choose. They're all so different.
Ally:	Really? What's the difference between these two?
Austin:	This one's sky blue and this one's blue sky. Hey, check it out! A fortune teller. Maybe she can help me decide.
Ally:	Ha! Good one. What goofball is gonna walk up to a stranger in the mall and say, "here's my money. Tell me my future."
Austin:	Here's my money, tell me my future.
Miss Claire:	Welcome, seekers. I am Miss Claire. Miss Claire Voyant.
Ally:	Really? Claire Voyant? Your name literally means fortune teller? I bet that's not what it says on your driver's license. Huh, it does.
Miss Claire:	I tell only the truth. Well, I did lie on my dating profile. I don't really like foreign films or outdoor activities. Now, would you like a glimpse into your destiny?
Ally:	Sure. What do you got?
Miss Claire:	You, Ally Dawson, will have an unexpected visitor from a far-off place.
Ally:	Wait, how did you know my name?
Miss Claire:	You're famous and I'm a fan. ♫ Because I'm finally me. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. ♫
Austin:	So what's the crystal ball say about me?
Miss Claire:	Don't touch my ball.
Austin:	Oh.
Ally:	Why? Because it's a magical object that connects its users to the mysteries of the universe?
Miss Claire:	No, because it's an expensive wi-fi router that connects its user to the mysteries of the Internet.
Ally:	Ha! So you admit you're a fake.
Miss Claire:	Oh, no. Those with the gift don't need a phony prop to see the future.
Austin:	So what do you see for me? I bet it's awesome. My big comeback show is coming up so you probably see me rocking out, wearing a really cool jacket. Maybe it's sky blue, maybe it's blue sky...
Miss Claire:	Your great expectations will end in disaster! Failure is in your future.
Austin:	So... I should go with a vest then?
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory dance studio.
Austin:	I mean, should I be worried? Nothing can go wrong with my comeback show, right?
Ally:	Of course not. That fortune teller has no idea what she's talking about.
Trish:	Yeah, stop worrying about her and start worrying about your concert. That psychic stuff is a bunch of hooey.
Dez:	No, it's not. My grandmother had the sight. When I was thirteen, she predicted my voice would change and I'd start growing facial hair.
Ally:	Dez, that's puberty.
Dez:	Okay, Ally. Whatever you want to believe.
Trish:	There's no way this concert will be a disaster. Everything will be perfect. Starting with these posters I had printed up.
Austin:	Why does it say Austin Goon?
Trish:	What? Uh... No big deal. I'll just fix them. Good thing I only made a thousand.
Austin:	Dez, let's talk about my actual performance. How are the plans for my grand entrance coming?
Dez:	Well, I've got good news, bad news. Good news, bad news, good news, bad news, and good news. Good news, I found the two-hump camel we've been looking for.
Austin:	Oh.
Dez:	Bad news, she ran away. I found a backup camel that's even cuter.
Austin:	Oh!
Dez:	Bad news, he also ran away. Good news...
Trish:	Can you just skip ahead to the final good news?
Dez:	I came up with an even better idea for your entrance. Behold... The confetti cannon!
Austin:	Awesome!
Ally:	How fun!
Trish:	Cool!
Austin:	Let's test it out. Pretend it's the beginning of my show and announce me.
Dez:	Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only Austin Goon!
Ally:	Dez!
Dez:	That's what the poster says.
Austin:	Hello, Miami! Ow.
Dez:	Mmm, probably should have tested it out on a dummy first.
Trish:	I know where we can find one.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory dance studio.
Dez:	Okay, so I know the confetti cannon may have had some kinks.
Austin:	No kidding. A piece of confetti scratched my eye and now I have to wear this stupid patch.
Dez:	Don't worry buddy, I got you covered. Here. You might want to get started on the other 999.
Austin:	This is a disaster. My big comeback performance is gonna be a failure, just like Miss Claire predicted.
Ally:	Austin, come on. You know there isn't any truth to that psychic stuff. It's just a coincidence. Besides, your eye will be better by the concert.
Trish:	Yeah, and if it isn't we'll get you a pirate hat and a peg leg and you can open with "steal your hearrrt."
Ally:	Yeah, and then "who you arrre."
Trish:	Oh, oh and then...
Austin:	I get it.
Dez:	Okay, let's focus on your opening. Picture this. A cloud of smoke, Austin is nowhere to be found. Suddenly... He emerges from the fog, bathed in the golden orb of light. Ohh!
Austin:	Cool!
Ally:	Oh, I see. Brilliant, Dez. Austin's emergence from the fog symbolizes his momentous return to the stage.
Dez:	Uh-huh. All right, peg leg, let's take it from the top.
Austin:	Hello, Miami! This first song's called "take it from the top." Hit it! ♫ You never know what this one... ♫ Ow!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory dance studio.
Austin:	Great, now I have one eye and a sprained toe.
Dez:	You think that's bad? When you knocked into me, I lost a tooth.
Austin:	Oh no, Dez. Which one?
Dez:	Huh? Oh, not one of my teeth. My grandma's tooth. I keep it in my pocket for good luck. It's gotta be around here somewhere.
Austin:	Well, some "good luck." Everything's gone wrong. Now do you believe in Miss Claire's prediction?
Ally:	No, I don't. If Miss Claire's predictions are real, then where's my visitor from a far-off place?
Austin:	Who's that?
Ally:	Oh, um, it's, uh... Wrong number.
Austin:	Ally, I know when you're lying. You always twirl your hair.
Ally:	What? Okay, fine. It's my mom. She just texted me that she's coming home from Africa for a spontaneous visit.
Austin:	An unexpected visitor from a far-off place! See, everything Miss Claire said is coming true.
Dez:	Oh! Found the tooth. Oh, no. False alarm. Just a breath mint. Nope, it's a tooth.
Interior. Mall of Miami.
Ally:	All right. Let's settle this once and for all. Miss Claire, will you please tell my friend that you made all that stuff up?
Dez:	Yeah! And after that, can you tell me the winning lotto numbers for tomorrow?
Trish:	Dez, this is about Austin. He has a big show coming up, and your psychic mumbo jumbo is freaking him out.
Miss Claire:	I'm sorry, but I see what I see. Your fate is sealed.
Austin:	See, I told you. Now, let's go.
Ally:	Hang on! What if we do another reading? Um, maybe this time you'll see something a little more... Favorable?
Miss Claire:	Ah! I'm now seeing... The same thing I saw before. Failure.
Ally:	All right, all right. I know what's going on here. Um... What do you see now?
Miss Claire:	Ah... I'm now seeing you wasting your time. I'm not changing my prediction. You will fail.
Austin:	Well, this is making me feel a lot better.
Dez:	Hate to break it to you, lady, but you're wrong. My friend is going to put on a disaster-free show this weekend.
Trish:	Yeah, and there's nothing you or your crummy crystal ball can do about it.
Ally:	Yeah!
Trish:	But since Ally already paid you, what do you see in my future?
Miss Claire:	Ah. You will soon fall in love with a loyal, handsome, well-mannered, dark-haired prince who likes cuddling and long walks on the beach.
Trish:	Oh! I knew you were the real deal. So, about my prince, is he...
Dez:	Trish!
Trish:	Coming.
Dez:	This is all the money I have. Tell me what you see.
Miss Claire:	Ah.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Austin:	I can't shake this bad feeling about Miss Claire's prediction. My comeback performance can't be a failure. This was supposed to be my big night.
Ally:	And it will be. Your eye has healed, your toe is better. I think you're letting your nerves get the best of you.
Austin:	No, it's not my nerves. I'm a confident, levelheaded guy who's obviously been cursed by an evil sorceress. I'm gonna cancel the show.
Ally:	But... no, you're not. So, Miss Claire got one thing right when she predicted my mom's visit. That doesn't mean anything.
Austin:	But what about all these bad omens that keep happening to me? Dez's confetti cannon, Dez's fog machine, Dez's...
Ally:	Wait a minute. What's the common denominator?
Austin:	I don't know.
Ally:	Think about it.
Austin:	No... I don't know what a common denominator is.
Ally:	It's Dez! Everything that's gone wrong is because of him. I know he means well, but when you add it all up, maybe we need to subtract him from the equation.
Austin:	Can you stop speaking math?
Ally:	I'm just saying, if you want to avoid disaster. Maybe he's not the right person to plan your big entrance.
Austin:	But he's so excited about it. I can't tell him to stay away from my big comeback performance. That would hurt his feelings.
Ally:	Well, his hurt feelings are your hurt body parts. Either way, someone's getting hurt.
Trish:	Hey, guys. Just wondering, have either of you seen a guy oh, I don't know, dark-haired, handsome, princely? No? Okay, well if you do, can you give him this glass slipper? It has my name and ring size on the bottom. Thanks.
Austin:	She looks good in a tiara.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Dez:	Well, buddy. You can thank me now. Because I've come up with the most epic entrance of all time. Behold... The box!
Austin:	I don't know, Dez. Maybe I don't need a big entrance. I already have this cool new jacket, plus, I have 12 costume changes throughout the show. Since I couldn't return any of the other jackets.
Dez:	But this is going to blow people's minds! You're going to fly over the audience in this box. People will look up, and see you dancing high above them. They'll be looking up while you're getting down.
Austin:	It seems a little dangerous.
Dez:	Ah, that's where you're wrong. This thing is completely unbreakable. Once you're inside, nothing can hurt you. Nothing gets in. Nothing gets out.
Austin:	Wait, nothing gets out?
Dez:	That's right!
Austin:	Well, then how am I supposed to get out?
Dez:	You know what, maybe you don't need a big entrance.
Austin:	Dez, get me out of here!
Dez:	I can't.
Austin:	My show is tonight. What am I supposed to do?
Dez:	Don't worry, I'll think of something.
Austin:	No, don't think of anything. Look... I hate to say it but I think you might be the disaster Miss Claire was talking about.
Dez:	What are you saying?
Austin:	I think you know what I'm saying.
Dez:	No, I actually can't hear you in there. What are you saying?
Austin:	I can't have you be part of my comeback performance anymore. You need to stay away! Just until the show's over.
Dez:	Oh. I guess Miss Claire's prediction came true for me, too. She said I'd be betrayed by a good friend.
Austin:	Dez, wait!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	Nothing's working and we've tried everything. I mean, the jagged, edgy thing, the fire squirter, the bangy-bangy.
Austin:	Did you just call the hammer a "bangy-bangy"?
Ally:	What? I don't know tools!
Trish:	Okay, I just got off the phone with the fire department. They'll be here in an hour.
Austin:	I'm supposed to go on stage in an hour. When you call the fire department, aren't they supposed to come right away?
Trish:	Yeah! When there's a fire. I hate to break it to you, but a pop star in a box isn't at the top of their priority list.
Ally:	We have to leave now if we want to make it to your show. We'll have them meet us at the arena.
Trish:	Yeah. I know this seems horrible, but look at it this way: if your concert is a disaster, it means Miss Claire's predictions are coming true. I'm gonna meet my prince. And... big picture, isn't that what's best for all of us? Sorry.
Interior. Stage.
Crowd:	Austin! Austin! Austin! Austin! Austin!
Ally:	The fire department should be here any minute.
Austin:	Well, they better hurry! I've been waiting months for tonight. I can't do my big comeback performance from inside a box.
Ally:	None of this would have happened if it wasn't for Dez.
Trish:	When I'm royalty, my first order of business will be to appoint him court Jester. He already has the pants.
Ally:	You should talk. What are you wearing?
Trish:	Oh, this old thing? Ah, it's just something I threw on. It's not like it's something a prince would expect a princess to be wearing.
Austin:	I feel bad about Dez. I know this is all his fault, but I was really hard on him. I mean, he's my best friend. Tonight doesn't feel right without him by my side.
Dez:	Aw. Places.
Ally:	Wait, but the fire department should be here any minute to get him out of there.
Dez:	Out of the way, ladies. Show must go on.
Ally:	Good luck, Austin.
Austin:	Wait, I can't go on like this.
Dez:	Ah, don't worry. We'll rig you up with a nice microphone so everyone can hear you singing inside.
Austin:	But how am I supposed to do my show from in here?
Dez:	I've been in the business a long time, kid. I've seen it all. Trust me, you'll be all right. Or my name isn't, uh... Uh... Ah, who cares what my name is. Have a good show.
Crowd:	Austin! Austin! Austin! Austin! Austin! Austin!
Austin:	♫ Take take take take it from the Take take take it from the top and I Take take take take it from the Take take take it from the top and I You never know what this world has in store for you You break down walls so they don’t block your point of view Stand tall keep your head up cause you’re ready to break through And if you want to start anew then all you got to do Is take it from the top When I’m in over my head Take it from the top I push replay and start again Take it from the top Sometimes it might feel strange how fast it all can change You know I never stop Take it from the top The future's never promised far from guaranteed But brighter days are always just within your reach A new beginning is the only thing you need I know you want to feel it too So all you got to do Is take it from the top When I’m in over my head Take it from the top I push replay and start again Take it from the top Sometimes it might feel strange how fast it all can change You know I never stop Take it from the top T-take it from the top ♫
Ally:	Wow!
Trish:	Amazing!
Dez:	Whew! That could have gone really bad.
Ally:	What?
Interior. Stage.
Austin:	Thank you, Miami!
Ally:	Oh! That was amazing!
Austin:	Yeah!
Ally:	Congratulations, Austin! I am so proud of you! Everyone loved you up there.
Trish:	That was definitely an entrance they've never seen before.
Austin:	Dez, I don't know how to thank you. I guess I should start by saying I'm sorry. I should have known you'd come through for me.
Dez:	Hey, have I ever made a mistake before?
Trish:	18 times this week alone.
Dez:	Exactly! Welcome back, bro.
Ally:	So, given that Austin had a great show, it would appear that Miss Claire's predictions aren't always right.
Trish:	So much for my loyal, handsome, well-mannered, dark-haired prince. Oh, hey there, little buddy. Where did you come from?
Austin:	Oh, my drummer's dog just had puppies and he's looking for homes for them.
Trish:	You're a handsome boy, yes you are! Sit! Oh, it's so well-mannered!
Ally:	Oh!
Trish:	Oh, look! This collar says his name is Prince.
Ally:	And I'm guessing he likes long walks and cuddling.
Trish:	My prince has finally arrived.
All:	Aw!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	I still can't believe that concert last night. Austin, you were amazing.
Austin:	I'm just glad my comeback is out of the way and I can just be back.
Dez:	So, how's your prince, Trish?
Trish:	Oh, I am totally in love with him. Plus, he obeys commands way better than my last boyfriend.
Austin:	So, after all that, every one of Miss Claire's predictions came true except for mine. I wonder what she meant by, "your great expectations will end in disaster. Failure is in your future."
Ally:	Oh. Ooh, the grades for our English paper just got posted. Got an A.
Austin:	What English paper?
Ally:	The one we were supposed to write on the book Great Expectations.
Trish:	You didn't do yours, did you?
Austin:	I was so worried about my comeback, I forgot all about it.
Dez:	Which means "your great expectations will end in disaster. Failure is in your future."
Austin and Ally:	Oh!
Austin and Dez:	Aw.
Austin:	Give me that puppy. There, now I feel better.
All:	Aw.
End credits, end of episode

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