- Austin: Hey, Ally. Want to go to the zoo later and laugh at the monkeys?
- Ally: Can't. I'm meeting a record label on Wednesday and I still have to finish three songs for my demo. And my dad's out sick, so now I have to watch the store, and... Are you guys putting salami on cereal?
- Austin: Yep. We couldn't decide if we wanted breakfast or lunch, so we're having both. We call it "blunch".
- Dez: Mmm. Frosted crispy bites and salami. Is there a better combination?
- Ally: How can you eat that?
- Dez: Oh, she's right. We forgot the mustard. Mm.
- Ally: Oh.
- Trish: Guess who got a job as a Pioneer Rangers Troop Leader? Let me rephrase that. Guess whose mom forced her to get a non-paying job as her brother's Pioneer Rangers Troop Leader?
- Ally: Sorry. I know how much you don't like the outdoors. Or your little brother.
- Dez: I used to be a Pioneer Ranger. But I got kicked out after a camping trip. Apparently bird baths are for "birds only". One of my biggest regrets is that I never earned a single merit badge.
- Trish: Well, today hasn't been a total loss. In addition to learning how to make an outdoor bathroom out of rocks, I actually booked Austin on "Video Countdown Live".
- Austin: Awesome! The video countdown thing. Not the outdoor bathroom thing.
- Trish: You guys have to write a new song because Austin's gonna be on "New Music Tuesday".
- Ally: A new song for Austin by Tuesday? I'm already working on three songs for myself.
- Dez: A little trivia, know why they call it "New Music Tuesday?"
- Ally: Because people play their new music and it's on a Tuesday?
- Dez: Oh... you already know.
- Trish: All right, rangers, if you want your Knot Tying Badge, you're gonna have to be able to complete the Impossible Knot.
- JJ: Please. Already finished. Impossible Knot... Impossible not!
- Trish: It's easy to tie. It's impossible to untie.
- JJ: Aw man.
- Nelson: Hi, Trish. I'm here for the pie eater rangers.
- Trish: Nelson, it's the Pioneer Rangers, not the pie eater rangers.
- Nelson: Aw, nartz. You know how long it took to bake this key lime pie?
- Dez: Oh, cool. You're having a Pioneer Rangers meeting. Oh, I haven't been to one of those in years. Mind if I join?
- Trish: Sure. Hey J.J., why don't you show Dez how to tie an Impossible Knot?
- Dez: Why do they call it an Impossible Knot?
- Trish: You'll see. So Austin, how's the new song coming? The show's tomorrow night.
- Austin: We haven't started yet, but I'm not worried. Ally and I have written songs in a day before. So Ally, when can we start?
- Ally: Well, I still have to finish my songs for my demo, but I think I could squeeze you in at 4:30.
- Austin: Great.
- Ally: A.M.
- Austin: Not so great. I know. Why don't I just write the song?
- Ally: Are you sure? You've never written a song by yourself before.
- Austin: Maybe it's time I did.
- Ally: Austin, I can help you with your song and then finish mine.
- Austin: No no. You've got too much to do. Seriously, I can write a song. I've been learning from the best songwriter in the business.
- Ally: Can't argue with that. But still...
- Austin: Ally. I'm Austin Moon. I can do anything. Oh yeah.
- Dez: Can you untie an Impossible Knot?
- Austin: Why don't you just use these scissors?
- Dez: Oh yeah. Duh.
- Austin: I would have brought them to you.
- Dez: Oh.
- Ally: Okay, Austin. I got you a couple of things to help you with your songwriting. Here's some paper and some pencils for you to write down your ideas. I sharpened them.
- Austin: Cool. Thanks.
- Ally: Oh, and I packed you a lunch and some snacks.
- Austin: Ally, I'm not a little kid. Ooh, pudding! I'll be fine.
- Dez: Hey, buddy. How's the songwriting going? Oh! Pudding! So, how's the songwriting going?
- Austin: Let me show you what I have so far. That's all I got.
- Dez: Can I be honest? I think it still needs a lot of work.
- Austin: What am I gonna do? I need a song by tomorrow, and I have nothing.
- Dez: I know you can write a song. You just need someone to bounce ideas off of. Huh? Try me.
- Austin: Okay. Let's start with the melody. What do you think of this? Man, that's "the alphabet song".
- Dez: Yeah, but it's really catchy. A, b, h, I... J, k, z...W, x...P.
- JJ: How does painting your nails earn us a Lifesaving Badge?
- Trish: My regular mani-pedi girl is out sick today. So you guys are totally lifesavers.
- Dez: I think you just need some inspiration. Let's go see a horror movie!
- Trish: Hey, Austin. Jett Deely just called to say he's really excited that you're performing on "Video Countdown Live" tomorrow. So how's the new song coming?
- Austin: Great. I'm almost finished.
- Dez: Yep. Except for the music, the lyrics, and a song title, it's pretty much done.
- Trish: Well, you better get cracking. All right, troop. Who wants to earn their Science Badge?
- Nelson: Cool! Are we going to a museum?
- Trish: Nope. But you get to do my science homework.
- Nelson: You're kind of lazy, aren't you?
- Trish: Let's go.
- Dez: So... Should we go see that horror movie?
- Austin: I don't think anything's gonna help.
- Dez: Don't give up now. Always remember the Pioneer Ranger motto.
- Austin: What is it?
- Dez: I have no idea. Let me check the handbook. Oh. "Be strong, be brave, always behave. Be loyal, be kind, leave no ranger behind".
- Austin: Hey, that almost sounds like a song. Maybe there's something in that book that will inspire us.
- Austin: Well, it took all night, but we finished it.
- Dez: Yep. I didn't think we'd get through a whole case of pudding. But we did.
- Austin: No, the song. Let's play it one more time.
āŖ If you're alone in the woods āŖ
āŖ and you feel you're in danger...āŖ
āŖ What do you do? āŖ
āŖ Look for a ranger āŖ - Dez: Look for a ranger. Woo. Awesome. You know where that song would sound great? At a Pioneer Rangers meeting.
- Austin: You know where that song won't sound great? On live TV in front of a million people.
- Dez: Hey, buddy. Look on the bright side. I found another cup of pudding. Splitsies?!
- Austin: What am I gonna do, Dez? I don't have a song to perform tonight.
- Dez: Just tell Ally you need her help.
- Austin: I can't. I made such a big deal that I could write on my own. I'm Austin Moon. I'm supposed to be able to do anything.
- Dez: So just tell her you're not Austin Moon.
- Austin: Why'd you take my fork?
- Dez: I'm trying to get my Recycling Badge. Want it back?
- Austin: You want me to use a dirty fork out of the trash? I'm not an animal.
- Dez: If you're too proud to ask for Ally's help, you need to figure out a way to get her to offer her help.
- Austin: How do I do that?
- Dez: Just play her the horrible song you wrote. She'll feel so bad that you failed, there's no way she won't help you. And boy did you fail miserably.
- Austin: Hey, we wrote that song together.
- Dez: Oh yeah. Now that you mention it, the parts I wrote weren't too bad.
- Ally: Hey, Trish. I did it. I finished writing all the songs for my demo.
- Trish: That's great, Ally. Hey, these rangers are about to earn their Chore Badges. Got anything you want washed, polished, or cooked?
- Nelson: We're supposed to be Pioneer Rangers. Not your personal assistants.
- JJ: Yeah. If you don't teach us some survival skills, I'm gonna tell mom.
- Trish: Here's a survival skill. Tell mom and you won't survive.
- JJ: We'll go do your laundry.
- Trish: Mm-hmm.
- Ally: You really have a way with kids. It's the wrong way, but it's a way.
- Austin: Ally! I did it. I wrote a song.
- Ally: I am so proud of you, Austin. You said you didn't need my help, and you didn't.
- Austin: I remember. Because I made a pretty big deal about it. Here, I'll play it for you.
- Dez: We want your honest opinion. If there's any little thing you want to have changed, even if it's the whole song... Feel free.
- Austin: āŖ If you're alone in the woods āŖ
āŖ and you feel you're in danger āŖ
āŖ What do you do? āŖ
āŖ Look for a ranger āŖ - Dez: Look for a ranger.
- Austin: āŖ If you're kicked by a moose āŖ
āŖ don't call a stranger āŖ
āŖ What do you do? āŖ
āŖ Look for a ranger! āŖ - Dez: Look for a ranger!
- Ally: Wow. That's... Your song.
- Dez: It uh, rhymes.
- Austin: So what do you think?
- Ally: I... Love it. It is so catchy.
- Trish: So is chicken pox.
- Ally: Trish. Can I talk to you for a sec? You can't make fun of Austin's song.
- Trish: It's terrible.
- Ally: I know, but it's the first song he ever wrote by himself, and he loves it.
- Trish: Well, if he performs that song on live TV, his career will be crushed.
- Austin: And I can't believe Ally liked the song. She was supposed to hate it and then write me a new one.
- Dez: Well... She is the songwriter. Maybe it's better than we think?
- Austin: Maybe.
- Dez: No way.
- Austin: It's terrible.
- Ally: Austin? I have something horrible to tell you. Your song is... Awful! Just terrible.
- Austin: And why are you so happy about that?
- Ally: I'm not! I just figured if I said it with a smile on my face, it wouldn't hurt your feelings as much.
- Austin: Huh. Kind of worked. Weird. Look, I know the song stinks. Can you help me write a new one before the show tonight?
- Ally: Austin, there's not enough time. But I just finished my demo songs. Maybe you can use one of those.
- Austin: I can't take one of your songs.
- Ally: Austin, really. I want you to.
- Austin: No, really. I can't. These songs are too girly. "Putting on my makeup for a night on the town. Crushing on a boy, I hope he's around".
- Ally: Yeah. It sounds better when I sing it.
- Austin: Maybe I just have to call "Video Countdown Live" and come up with an excuse to get out of doing the show.
- Dez: Oh, I've got a great excuse for you. Tell them your grandma... Got abducted by an alien.
- Trish: Well that's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard.
- Dez: Oh yeah? Tell that to my grandma.
- Trish: Well, I wish I could help you figure this out, but I have to go take the rangers camping.
- Ally: hat's it. Austin, just tell Jett Deely you have to reschedule, because you're volunteering with a Scout Troop.
- Austin: That's good, Ally. Man, you're getting good at lying.
- Ally: I know! Oh no.
- Austin: Okay. Great.
- Ally: What did he say?
- Austin: Well, he bought the story that I'm taking the kids camping.
- Ally: That's great.
- Trish: What a relief.
- Dez: Problem solved.
- Austin: And since I can't come to the show, he's bringing the show to me. He's gonna film me singing my new song at the campground.
- Ally: That's awful.
- Trish: We're doomed.
- Dez: We're going camping! Woo!
- Ally: Are you sure you can't use one of the new songs I've been working on?
- Austin: Wait. How about this one?
āŖ Driving in my car, top rolled down āŖ
āŖ Hanging with my friends, night on the town āŖ
āŖ I'm a girl, I'm a girl āŖ
āŖ I'm a girl. - Ally: Okay, maybe you can't.
- Austin: What am I gonna do? Jett's gonna film me in like two hours at the campsite.
- Dez: Check it out. Still fits.
- Ally: Aren't you a little old to be a Pioneer Ranger?
- Dez: Hey, from a boy to a man, you're a Pioneer Ranger as long as you stand.
- Nelson: I'm ready to go camping. Aw, nartz.
- Austin: What's wrong?
- Nelson: Nothing! My Teddy Bear's name is Nartz. Aw, nartz.
- JJ: Why are you making me bring our whole house? We're only staying one night.
- Trish: We're staying there overnight? You're gonna have to go back and get my bed.
- JJ: When we get to camp, you can't just watch TV and take a bubble bath. We have badges to earn, like bird calling, and music.
- Ally: Hey. Those badges give me an idea.
- Dez: Oh, me too. I love calling birds. Hello, Miami zoo? No. The Music Badge.
- Ally: Austin, you can tell Jett Deely you wrote "the ranger song" as a gift for the kids. I can teach the troop to sing backup for you.
- Trish: That's a great idea. Rangers, line up. Let me try that again. Get in a line before I make you drop and give me 20! And not push-ups. Dollars! Move it!
- Ally: Austin, what are you doing?
- Austin: I don't know. She scared me.
- Nelson: Did I do this right? Aw, nartz.
- Trish: Looks good to me.
- Austin & Ally: Nelson!
- JJ: Dez! You used all the marshmallows for our S'mores.
- Dez: I'm making an authentic marshmallow teepee like some Native American tribes.
- Jett Deely: Austin Moon. Ready to go live?
- Austin: Uh, yeah. Sure. Just give me a few minutes to...
- Jett Deely: And we're live. I'm Jett Deely. Countdown Live's New Music Tuesday... We're broadcasting from the Pioneer Ranger campsite, with special guest Austin Moon.
- Austin: Great to be here, Jett. I'm gonna sing a special song I wrote for these kids. Keep that in mind when you hear it.
- Ally: Austin Moon is so generous.
- Jett Deely: Oh hey, there is Ally Dawson, Austin's songwriter.
- Ally: Didn't write this one.
- Trish: And I'm not his manager for this one either.
- Dez: And I'm not his friend for this one either.
- Austin: Okay. Ready, rangers?
āŖ If you're alone in the woods āŖ
āŖ and you feel you're in danger āŖ
āŖ What do you do? āŖ
āŖ Call a Pioneer Ranger! āŖ - All: Call a Pioneer Ranger!
- Austin: āŖ If you're kicked by a moose, don't call a stranger āŖ
āŖ What do you do? āŖ
āŖ Call a Pioneer Ranger! āŖ - All: Call a Pioneer Ranger!
- Austin: āŖ If your bike's got a flat and you need a tire changer āŖ
āŖ What do you do? āŖ
āŖ Call a Pioneer Ranger! āŖ - All: Call a Pioneer Ranger! A Pioneer Ranger! A Pioneer Ranger! Yeah!
- Ally: Woo! That was an awesome song, Austin. Woo!
- Jett Deely: All right. That's Austin Moon with a song he wrote just for the kids.
- Austin: Thanks for having me. Had a lot of fun.
- Jett Deely: Well hey, the fun's just getting started.
- Austin: Huh? I thought that was all the fun. When we come back, Austin's gonna sing his real new song.
- Jett Deely: Back live in two minutes.
- Austin: What am I gonna do?
- Dez: Hey, when your career's in danger, you know what to do. Call a Pioneer Ranger.
- Trish: Wait. That's it. We can use the Pioneer Rangers to stall Jett and his crew and stop the broadcast.
- Ally: Great idea. Hey, Jett. J.J. wants to show you his Impossible Knot.
- Jett Deely: Ooh.
- Trish: You're getting good at being bad.
- Ally: I know! Oh no.
- Jett Deely: Very impressive, kid. Oh, okay. Now untie me.
- JJ: Sorry, dude. I haven't earned my untying badge yet.
- Jett Deely: Guys, come help me out over here.
- Trish: There are some scissors in that tent over there. Nelson, why don't you show them?
- Austin: This will work. We just have to keep them occupied till the show's over.
- Dez: I just hope the show's over before that bear finishes eating my marshmallow teepee. He looks hungry.
- All: Bear?!
- Nelson: Run for your lives!
- Trish: We can't just leave Jett tied up here. What do we do?
- Ally: If it's a black bear, you're supposed to make a lot of noise. If it's a brown bear, you play dead.
- Austin: What color is it?
- Trish: I think it's black.
- Dez: Ah!
- Trish: Or maybe it's dark brown.
- Dez: Making noise! Playing dead. Making noise! Playing dead. Making noise! Playing dead. Ah!
- Austin: Run!
- Jett Deely: Help! Still tied up here. Oh! Quick, untie me.
- Dez: You're in luck, because I spent all night last night learning how to untie the Impossible Knot.
- Jett Deely: Faster!
- Dez: You're in luck because I spent all last night...
- Jett Deely: No, untie me!
- Austin: Woo. That was a close call. I'm glad Jett and the rangers all made it out.
- Ally: I guess you could say we "bear" ly escaped. Too soon?
- Austin: No amount of time will make that funny.
- Ally: Look, I'm really sorry that I didn't have enough time to help you write your new song.
- Austin: I get it. You've got your own music to focus on now.
- Ally: We'll just have to figure out how to make this work.
- Austin: I hope so, because... I'm always gonna need you, Ally.
- Ally: That's so sweet, Austin. Bear hug? I can't imagine writing songs without you. It would be un "bear" able.
- Austin: How many more of those bear jokes do you have?
- Ally: Eh, six or seven.
- Trish: All right, J.J., here's your Knot Tying Badge, your Music Badge... And your pretty cool Little Brother Badge.
- JJ: Thanks, sis.
- Trish: Oh, by the way, I need you to hike my tub and TV back home.
- JJ: I knew there was a catch.
- Trish: Nelson, you're next. Here is your Track and Field Badge. When that bear showed up, you...
- Nelson: Cool!
- Trish: Really ran fast.
- Dez: My turn!
- Trish: And now for our honorary Pioneer Ranger. We've got the Music Badge, the Recycling Badge... The Architecture Badge, and the Lifesaving Badge.
- Dez: Finally. I got my merit badges. Woo!
- Nelson: Run for your lives!
- Dez: Ah!
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