Bad Seeds & Bad Dates/Transcript

Bad Seeds & Bad Dates
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Austin:	Guys, you know what we should do tonight? See the new Zaliens movie!
Trish:	Oh, yeah! Zaliens 24: Zaliens vs. Cyborgs. They said, "We'll be back," And they are!
Trish and Dez:	Zalien brain suck!
Dez:	I hear the first four hours of the movie are really good. But then it gets kinda slow. But then the last two hours are epic!
Trish and Dez:	Aah!
Ally:	You know what else we could do tonight? Not waste nine hours of our lives on that movie.
Lester:	(whistles) Good morning, everybody! Isn't it a beautiful day? Hey, Dez! Good to see you, buddy!
Ally:	Uh, dad, are you feeling okay?
Lester:	Yeah?
Ally:	You're hugging Dez.
Lester:	I'm just happy.
Trish:	You don't seem like yourself.
Dez:	Maybe he's not himself. Maybe Zaliens replaced Lester with a cyborg, like in the movie. Let's squirt water on him and see if he short-circuits.
Lester:	Oh, Dez. Your shenanigans always make me chuckle.
Austin:	They do?
Lester:	Well, I just came by to see where you hung all the paintings I made for you, you know, of the giraffes doing people stuff.
Ally:	Oh! Uh... We're still looking for the perfect place to put them. Right now, we're keeping them in that trash... Painting... storage... container bucket.
Dez:	Wait, that trash can's a painting storage container bucket? Ugh. I just threw a banana peel in there.
Lester:	Anywho, I'm off to paint some more giraffes. I've had this amazing surge of creativity lately. Oh! You guys ordered a pizza. Let me get that for you. Extra 15 cents for you.
Trish:	Did he just pay for our pizza?
Austin:	He is not well.
Ally:	Wait a minute. Look at my dad's paintings. Giraffes sharing a milkshake. Giraffes cuddling in a gondola. Giraffes doing the tango!
Trish:	That actually looks like the mambo.
Austin:	Are you sure? I think it's the salsa. Her front foot...
Ally:	Guys, obviously, my dad is in love. That's why he's painting all this romantic stuff. He must be secretly dating.
Austin:	Oh!
Trish:	Wow!
Dez:	Your dad is secretly dating... A giraffe?
Theme Song.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	I can't believe my dad is dating again. I should've put that together when he bought cologne instead of rubbing a magazine ad all over himself like he normally does.
Trish:	Hey, a free sample is a free sample.
Ally:	I really want my dad to be happy, but I guess I always held on to the hope that my parents might get back together.
Trish:	I know exactly how you feel. I've always held on to the hope that Zinga Juice would bring back the pumpkin smoothie. But I have to come to terms with the fact that it was for a limited time only. And that's a reality I have to live with every day.
Austin:	Okay, guys, now that you've practiced your song with me, Dez is gonna teach you how to make a music video.
Mikey:	That weirdo? Hey, the circus called. They want their pants back. A-ha-ha!
Herman:	Mikey, that's not very nice.
Dez:	That's okay, Herman. I actually did get these pants from a clown.
Ally:	Who's that kid?
Trish:	That's Mikey. He just signed up. He's a nightmare.
Mikey:	I told you! I'm not going to listen to you until you give me candy!
Ally:	Please tell me he's just doing this one workshop and we only have to deal with him for a week.
Trish:	Sorry. Mikey signed up for three months, and I got all the money up front, and I already bought this new jacket with it.
Ally:	Okay, it's really cute.
Trish:	Yeah.
Mikey:	I want candy! I want candy!
Austin:	Does anybody have some candy? Anybody?
Herman:	I had some, but Mikey took it from me.
Dez:	Oh! Look what I found in my clown pants. Cotton candy. Here you go, you little monster. Look! I calmed him down. Piece of cake.
Mikey:	Now I want cake!
Dez:	Oh! I have a cream puff.
Mikey:	I told you, I want cake!
Ally:	Oh!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Ally:	The first thing we have to do is decide on a concept for our music video. Remember, there are no bad ideas.
Mikey:	Here's a concept! You're a fart bucket!
Ally:	Okay. Uh, like I said, there are no bad ideas... But I am not writing that one down.
Mikey:	Whatever. You're still a fart bucket.
Ally:	All right, well, why don't we see what else you guys came up with. Oh. Ooh! "Dancing barefoot in the sand." I like it. "Winter wonderland"? Brrr.
Mikey:	Read it!
Ally:	"You're a fart bucket." What does a fart bucket even look like?
Mikey:	You!
Ally:	All right, I walked right into that one.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Austin:	Okay, let's work on our dance to the video. Would anyone like to demonstrate a step-kick?
Herman:	Ooh, me, me, me! I'm great at step-kicking! Boom.
Austin:	Nice job, Herman. You get a lollipop.
Herman:	Whoo-hoo!
Austin:	I always give out lollipops when people follow directions. Mikey, would you like to try the step-kick?
Mikey:	Okay. Step.
Austin:	Ow.
Mikey:	Kick. Thank you!
Herman:	Technically, he did follow directions.
Mikey:	Blech! I hate lollipops!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Austin:	I don't get it. Positive reinforcement usually works.
Ally:	Well, I tried to be nurturing with Mikey, but it was no use. How do you nurture a human nightmare?
Trish:	You two know nothing about children. Where is the little brat?
Dez:	He's up in the practice room, most likely breaking something... Or someone.
Trish:	When it comes to bad behavior, you just have to lay down the law. I'm gonna go and let Mikey know who's boss. Yeah, he's a monster.
Dez:	You guys are amateurs. I'll take over the music video. I'm great with kids. The key is to think like a 10-year-old.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	Wow. It looks like Mikey's actually listening to Dez.
Austin:	Dez, how did you get him to behave?
Dez:	It's simple. You just got to find out what a kid's passion is. Mikey likes to edit, Herman likes to say he's great at stuff, and Stewie just likes to lick things. Anyway, it turns out Mikey's a natural at editing. He's doing the final cut of the music video.
Mikey:	Okay, Dez, I'm finished.
Dez:	Great!
Trish:	This is gotta see.
Ally:	Wow. This looks amazing.
Mikey:	What a bunch of fart buckets!
Herman:	I'm usually great at not getting upset, but now I'm having a really hard time!
Ally:	Okay, okay, let's take a break. Let's take a break. This is terrible.
Trish:	We've got to kick Mikey out.
Austin and Dez:	(laughing)
Austin:	Sorry. It's not funny at all. We've got to kick Mikey out.
Austin and Dez:	(laughing)
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Austin:	Mikey's mom is on her way to pick him up. As soon as she gets here, you tell her that we're kicking Mikey out.
Ally:	Why do I have to tell her?
Austin:	Because everyone knows you're the mean one.
Ally:	What?
Austin:	See? Now you're yelling for no reason.
Lester:	Hey, honey, can I talk to you for a sec?
Austin:	I'll be downstairs. Got to warn you, Mr. Dawson. She's in one of her moods.
Lester:	Ally, um... This is hard for me to tell you.
Ally:	Dad, I know you're dating someone.
Lester:	Oh, that wasn't hard at all. How did you know?
Ally:	Your last batch of giraffe paintings. They're all so romantic.
Lester:	What can I say? I'm a romantic guy. Anyway, I know it must be weird for you to think of me dating someone.
Ally:	Yeah, it... it was, at first, but I really want you to be happy.
Lester:	I really am, I mean, Joanna's an amazing person, and I promise I'll introduce her to you really soon.
Ally:	Okay. Just promise you won't keep any more secrets from me. I don't want to suddenly discover a painting of two giraffes in a tuxedo and veil.
Ally and Lester:	Boom.
Austin:	Ally, his mom is here.
Ally:	Okay. I guess we have to do this.
Austin:	Great. Use that anger.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Austin:	Hi, Mrs. Thompson. Ally has something she wants to tell you.
Joanna:	I just want to let you know, Mikey is having a great time here. He says you guys really inspire him.
Ally:	Aw. Well, thanks. But I actually, um... Wanted to let you know that... Mikey is...
Lester:	Honey?
Ally and Joanna:	Yes? Huh?
Lester:	I... I guess we're doing this now. Uh, Ally, this is Joanna.
Joanna:	Ally is your daughter?
Ally:	This is Joanna?
Lester:	Yeah.
Joanna:	What a coincidence! My little Mikey is taking classes here. I can't believe I didn't put together that this Ally was your Ally. So, what was it you wanted to tell me?
Ally:	Uh, I was... Just gonna say that Mikey is... Really talented, and we are thrilled to have him here at the music factory.
Austin:	Yeah. It's not like he's obnoxious or has any sort of behavioral problems whatsoever.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory practice room.
Trish:	So your dad is dating Mikey's mom? Wow. That must have made it super awkward when you kicked him out.
Ally:	I didn't kick him out. I can't have the first thing I say to my dad's new girlfriend be "your kid is a nightmare."
Dez:	Can it be the second thing you say to her?
Austin:	Ally, I know it's weird, but you have to talk to your dad. Look what Mikey did to my guitar.
Trish:	"Good job being a ding-dong."
Dez:	Aww! I was a total ding-dong yesterday, and I didn't get anything.
Ally:	Guys, my dad is so happy. I don't want to do anything to ruin that.
Trish:	Okay, Ally, let's say we don't say anything, your dad keeps dating Mikey's mom, things go really well, and Lester proposes. Then she becomes your stepmom, and then Mikey will become...
Dez:	The wedding videographer.
Ally:	No, he'd be my stepbrother.
Dez:	He could be both.
Ally:	I can't live with that kid for the rest of my life. Dinners, holidays, family vacations. Oh, who am I kidding? My dad would never pay for a vacation for a family of four.
Austin:	What if you guys have to share a room?
Dez:	What if you have to share the family toothbrush?
Trish:	Your family shares a toothbrush?
Dez:	Yours doesn't?
Ally:	This can't happen. I have to go talk to my dad and tell him the truth about Mikey.
Dez:	So, if Mikey's mom and Ally's dad get married, what does that make me?
Trish:	Still a ding-dong.
Dez:	Cool. Just checking.
Interior. Mall of Miami.
Lester:	Hey, honey. I got us lunch from this new place, Stuff 'n a Cone. Would you like a hot dog in a cone or pizza in a cone?
Ally:	So it's just stuff... in a cone?
Lester:	Yeah. That's why they call it Stuff 'n a Cone.
Ally:	You know, I'm actually not that hungry. Listen, dad, uh, I wanted to talk to you about Mikey.
Lester:	Oh, I am so relieved you said he was such a great kid. Can you imagine how awkward it would be for me and Joanna if you and Mikey didn't get along?
Ally:	Yeah. That would be really awkward. Exactly how awkward would it be?
Lester:	Really awkward. 'Cause I really like her. Hey, who knows? One day we could all be one big happy family. Ally, you're crying.
Ally:	Oh, I am just so happy for you!
Lester:	Oh, thanks, sweetie. Oh! I told Joanna you'd babysit Mikey while we went out for her birthday tonight.
Ally:	I can't take any more happy news.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Ally:	Thank you so much for helping me out with Mikey, guys. I really want to make things work with this kid.
Austin:	No problem.
Dez:	Any time.
Trish:	You're still paying us 50 bucks, right?
Ally:	Hey, Mikey. Our parents seem to really like each other, so I think it would be great if you and I could get along.
Mikey:	Whatever. Now entertain me.
Trish:	She could sing you a song.
Mikey:	Not a fan.
Austin:	Why don't we all play a game?
Dez:	Ooh, let's play cops and robbers, and I only say that because kids like that game, not because I already bought the hats and badges.
Mikey:	Okay. I'll be the sheriff.
Dez:	Aww! I wanted to be the sheriff.
Ally:	Oh! Yay! We are gonna have so much fun!
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Mikey:	Yay! This is so much fun!
Ally:	You're not gonna untie me, are you?
Mikey:	Oh, Ally. I didn't even double-knot those. You really need to work on your upper-body strength.
Ally:	Hey, I can do three push-ups. I mean, not in a row, but throughout the course of the day.
Mikey:	Well, while you're tied up, I'm going to go mess up our parents' date so bad that my mom breaks up with your dad.
Ally:	Look, Mikey, I understand what you're going through. Clearly you're just upset that your mom's dating someone new.
Mikey:	I don't care that my mom's dating. I just care that she's dating a doof like your dad. See ya!
Ally:	You won't get far. My friends are gonna untie me and we'll stop you.
Mikey:	You mean those friends? The friends that I just locked up in the soundproof booth? Good luck getting out without a door handle!
Ally:	We should have let Dez be the sheriff.
Interior. Austin & Ally Music Factory.
Herman:	Hey, Ally! Have you seen my baseball mitt?
Ally:	Oh, Herman. Thank goodness you're here.
Herman:	Oh, there it is! Well, bye, Ally.
Ally:	Herman, wait! I'm all tied up here. You need to let them out of the sound booth.
Herman:	Oh! I'm great at letting people out of sound booths!
Dez:	Wait! I thought we were supposed to wait in jail until sheriff Mikey lets us out.
Trish:	No! He just tricked us, so he could lock us into the sound booth.
Dez:	Man, if you can't trust a sheriff, who can you trust?
Ally:	I can't believe he tied me up.
Austin:	Well, you did rob a bank at high noon.
Ally:	Come on! We have to get to the restaurant before Mikey makes Joanna break up with my dad.
Interior. Fancy's.
Austin:	No way! Your dad took Joanna to fancy's? But this place is so... Fancy. He must really be in love.
Ally:	I know, right? For my birthday, he took me to a lost and found and told me to pick out whatever I wanted.
Trish:	Okay, I see your dad and Joanna, but where's Mikey?
Mikey:	Right here. You doofs just got here just in time to see Ally's dad stink this place up.
Ally:	What did you do?
Mikey:	I'm about to drive this stink bomb right into your dad's chair. And in five seconds, it'll go off, making your dad a real live fart bucket.
Ally:	Wait! Oh!
Austin:	Now instead of Mr. Dawson smelling like a fart bucket, I do. Aw.
Mikey:	Well, that's wasn't all I had planned. See that special cake your dad bought for my mom? I replaced the candle with a firecracker. The cake is gonna blow up and ruin their date.
Ally:	Not if I can help it. Oh!
Lester:	Ally? What are you doing here?
Ally:	Saving you. Everybody, down!
Dez:	I thought you said that was a firework.
Mikey:	I lied. But now you're gonna see some fireworks between Ally and my mom.
Joanna:	Ally, why did you ruin my birthday cake?
Mikey:	I'm sorry, mom, I tried to stop her, but Ally was determined to break you guys up.
Ally:	What? No! Mikey is the one who came down here to break you guys up. He tied me to a chair, locked my friends in the sound booth, and then told me he replaced the candle on your cake with a firecracker.
Mikey:	What? Obviously she's making all that up.
Dez:	Oh, man, I don't know who to believe.
Trish:	Dez, you were there!
Joanna:	I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who's daughter is such a bratty troublemaker.
Lester:	Well, I could never date anyone who could say those sorts of things about my daughter.
Joanna:	Come on, Mikey. We're going.
Austin:	F.Y.I., Mikey's no longer welcome at the music factory!
Trish:	And there are no refunds! I'm keeping this jacket!
Ally:	Oh my gosh, dad. I feel terrible. You must be heartbroken.
Lester:	It's not that. Joanna was gonna pick up the tab for dinner, but she left without paying.
Ally:	She was gonna pay for her own birthday dinner?
Lester:	That's what made her so special.
Interior. Mall of Miami.
Trish:	Sorry we locked you in the sound booth, Herman. Lunch is on us.
Herman:	Everything looks so good. I don't know what I'm gonna eat first.
Austin:	I'm gonna go with the burrito in a cone.
Dez:	I'm gonna go with the side of ribs in a cone.
Trish:	Oh! Dibs on the hot dog on a stick in a cone.
Herman:	I think I'll try the meatball sub in a cone... And the lemonade in a cone.
Ally:	I still don't get this place.
Dez:	Oh, it's very simple, Ally. It's stuff in a cone.
Ally:	Yeah, I get that. It's just that the cone part seems so unnecessary.
Austin:	Come on, try something.
Ally:	Fine. I'll have ice cream in a cone.
Trish:	Ooh. That only comes in a cup.
End credits, end of episode

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