Board Thread:Social/@comment-4720436-20121202205009/@comment-4717855-20130111000300

Okay, so this is a couple of questions. Warning: May be excessively long due to overexplaining.

It all basically started when I was 6 or 7. That was when my parents started fighting. Before, yeah, they argued a bit, but this was when their arguing really started. Still, I was pretty much okay. It wasn't anything too bad, I still felt smart, and life felt normal. Then, I entered 6th grade. I didn't do the best on my SS and Sci CRCT, so I didn't get into Advanced SS and Advanced Sci. My family was furious at me; they yelled and screamed at me for not studying and for being so stupid that that would happen, they were frustrated that it seemed like I'd never get into AP classes, thus not getting into a good college, thus ending up a dead bum. :/ So, I got angry at everything. I got angry at my smart friends that had gotten all AC classes, I got angry at my family for believing so little like in me, and I was mostly just mad at myself for being so stupid. The only people that really helped me get through it to become stronger were my non-AC friends; we all sat together at lunch and talked about our problems and helped each other.

The year went by, and I ended up doing amazingly well on my CRCT's; I got a perfect score in SS, which was a surprise to me! So then the summer of 2012 came and went. Then, 7th grade started. I thought it would all be better, what with me having all AC classes, but it got worse. :/ I felt stupid in 7/8 Math, and still do, I felt like now I wasn't all that smart compared to many others at my school; I felt like I didn't belong, like I wasn't exceptional or truly shining in anything. Still feel that way. Also, my parent's arguing got worse. It turned into daily arguments, once a week screaming matches, and the worst part? They all blamed me for it. Especially my older sister. The worst part is that it's true. Half the time, I'll just say something and BOOM! Arguing ensues. I just didn't, and still don't, get how what I SAID could have such an impact, so great that a few times my mom would scream at my dad, "I'm going to leave!" or "I'm going to divorce you!" She never did, but I feel like sooner or later, it's going to happen. That scares me.

Anyway, along with 7th grade came being with all my original AC friends. I thought it would be amazing and awesome to be with them, but now, I feel like they don't need me. Like I'm the useless person in the group. They all seem to get along just fine without me, especially my CHILDHOOD FRIEND FROM 1ST GRADE, and I don't know. It just feels lonely, but I'm getting used to it; which scares me too. Speaking of my childhood friend; I feel like she's the one that needs me the least. It's like, last year when we had homeroom, band, and 6th period together, I feel like I was the one that introduced all our friends together, and then she swooped in and started chatting with them more and me less. This year? She's basically replaced me with a girl named Grace; they're always chatting and getting along, and they're always over with each other. It just... It hurts to know that someone you've known since 1st grade suddenly doesn't need you anymore and turns to a person she's only known for 1 year! And it's like, all my friends have other people that they'll hang out with after school, and me? I have the internet and family. Woo... Still love y'all. :)

Another thing that came with 7th grade was watching X Factor. It was fun, and when it ended, I decided that I would audition for it. I asked my mom if I could make a video to send in to them, and she said "Yeah sure." So I practiced "Grenade" a lot, and when my friend came over, I recorded it. I was all set to send it in, but then my mom changed her mind. THEN. So now, I somehow have to make her change her mind; I love to sing, and she's mostly worried that I haven't had enough training (when she won't let me get vocal lessons) and that I'll be missing a lot of studies (when I could possibly get a tutor or something like that.)

Wow, that was long. -.- Sorry about that. I just needed a place to rant out all my pent up energy from last year, and it all kind of gushed out. I feel weird; you guys know a lot about me now. :/ Don't abuse that knowledge. So, any advice for my many problems? Thanks in advance! :)