User blog:Purlestream/Ally's Diary - 2011

8/27/2011 - pg17

I wonder what it feels like to be in love.

Love is the only thing I can think of lately. Honestly, my brain is like: Owen, love, love, school, songbook, love, love, love.

I see dogs adventuring the Miami beaches, their tails entwined. I see elderly couples walking hand in hand along the promenade. I see flowers growing together in garden beds, their petals illuminated in the waking sun.

Then I see the relationship between the moon and the sun - the moon constantly thrust into darkness, chasing a light that will never be his.

That is my dad and my mom.

She left today.

She had said she was going to leave for Africa for a long time, but she never did. "I'm gone this time!" She'd shout, admist her and my father's discussion into their money woes. We were in debt (a lot of it), and my father's car business was going nowhere.

They would put on a brave face for me, and I love them for that, but I could see through it. I'm in eighth grade after all - I can see these things. I myself may have never been in love (and probably never will), but I can see it when it's there - and when it's not. I could see that my mother's heart didn't gain momentum and audacity the way it used to when she saw my dad.

Trish has been by my side through this whole thing. I know that my father and my mom wanted this, really, it was inevitable. They wanted this.

But I can't help but cry.

The tears streak my face like I allow them. I want to be strong, and I want to be here for my dad. But it's moments like these where I realise that I'm still a little girl.

I just want my mom back.

But she's going to Africa - to live out her dream. I know she loves me, my dad too. I just wish things could be different.

Speaking of dreams, I've taken up a new hobby.

I've taken up cloud watching. I like to watch the clouds, dotting the blue skies, and imagine myself floating atop of them. Really, those clouds to me feel like dreams. And they are so far away. But the longer I watch on, and the longer I contort those puffy white clouds into objects - the closer those dreams feel.

One day, I want to find someone to love me like my father loves my mom. I want a love like the ones that were read to me when I was younger in those fairytales, and the love my mother enthused to me ever since.

I want that.

And I do - music.

Now I'm thinking of my dad - he still loves her. I can see him when he stares at her place at the table in the morning, and when he tenatively grooms the patch of flowers that were her favourites. She's moved on - so must he. And he's finally following his dream -

To open a music store.

My dad loves music, a trait I share, and he is so excited. He even said I may get to work there! But now, he has vowed not to do what he did before, and not drive our family into debt. Although he doesn't see the utlitiy in it, he's taking a couponing class. Pfft. I don't know how long he'll last.

But seriously, I can see the conflict in his brow, and the pain resonate when 'money' is mentioned.

He says he is trying to save money because he wants to provide for me, but I can tell he's lying. I see the way his eyes twinkle when his new habits are mentioned, and there is only one reason for that - he saw his mistakes in money as the reason that drove the woman he loved away. He hates himself for that, and would do anything to prove to her that his feelings for her are still real.

But like the moon, my dad reflects the light of his sun (even the dawn). The sun and the moon may no longer be together, ] but her light is what ignites his, and it is true that my dad's heart still burns bright for her.

LYRICS IDEAS TO USE FOR A SONG: 

''- my world keeps on turning, all the while my heart is burning... I miss you. I miss you. ''

I miss the life we once lived, I want to mend this growing rift but I can't - 

''I miss you. ''