User blog comment:Ausslylover45676/An Auslly Fanfic Ep.1/@comment-6318594-20130423222024

I think it could be a good story, but there are some things to consider as far as formatting goes.

First is the dialogue. Instead of using a script type of format(Ally: blahblahblah), use quotes instead. ("blahblahblah"). For example:

"Ally!" Penny said. "Wake up!"

Then there's description. Instead of pasting the links of each character's outfit, you could describe them instead. You could still post links at the end of the chapter, so that we could still see what they look like when finished reading. You could write something like this:

Ally got dressed for school, putting on a white floral dress with small red and blue flowers decorated all over. Her hair was curled like usual, and she also had on in addition, a pair of white heels.

Actions of what the characters could also be described more. Try something like this:

Deciding to go over to Windy's house, they start to walk over there in the still warm sun.

It also helps to have some kind of setting. We know they're in Miami, but you could classify whether they're at Sonic Boom, school, or some other place. Setting-time, place.

I hope this helps in the future. :) I don't mean to criticize too much, but it does help, trust me. I understand that this is only your first fanfic, but it's just something to keep in mind as a writer. People usually gain more experience in writing as time goes by, and remember that not everything will be perfect because even some of the best authors make mistakes. :) There are some talented people on fanfiction.net. Just look up the ones with most reviews because they seem like some of the best ones. I'll be looking out for the next chapter. :) (Lol, I use so many smiley faces.)