Talk:Magazines & Made-Up Stuff/@comment-68.34.68.150-20121025011721/@comment-5350859-20121025013322

I don't understand the concept...soo...yeah. And some of the grammar is incorrect, there is no dialogue, and the story moves too fast. Sop trying to explain things exactly as they are. People like to figure things out. I don't want to sound negative, but I feel that this story could be MUCH better improved.

Also, don't be too repetitive. It gets annoying, unless your aiming for a certain reaction, for example:

He told me he loved me

He said he would stay

But he left with a silent goodbye, one that left misunderstood ideas in the traces of the dust

You see, that is better than this:

He told me he loved me...he also told me I could break up with Dallas...

See don't repitive unless you use my example

...please don't be so anti-feminine, most people don't appreciate when the guy tells the girl that she can do something because it sounds as if the boy owns the girl, which is not true at all.