Board Thread:Help desk/@comment-5569148-20131015214330/@comment-5569148-20131015225323

thanks red. i know, i've been known as the 'perky' one, right? (or wrong? whatever) but i don't feel like i'm being myself anymore... did you know i am a great actress in real life? even if no-one notices it? i can hide stuff to other people easily (aka my feelings). since i've noticed that (like i said above) i'm not being myself anymore, then that's why i thought i was going like that in here, but that shows my acting skills, i guess?

i would red, trust me i would, (about seing a psychiatrist) but i can't. my mom and dad think i'm okay, and i don't want to worry them. i've been through lots of things since 3rd grade, but nobody knows about it; it's pretty hard to explain. even if i hate school, my philosophy teacher is the one that helps me to go through all this stuff: how? because of his way to speak. long story, but yeah, the way he analyzes everything makes me feel better (weirdddd). i've never asked him for help, yet he does help me with his classes. i'm being weird right now so moving on... i know how hard is to have suicidal thoughts... that isn't new for me...

i'm really thankful to know that i count on you guys when it comes to my life, but thanks to my knowledge, i try to keep everything to myself, because based on my life experiences, when i ask for help, i don't actually get help, so i've learned how to get through all the problems i've had by myself. i am really independent, and i kinda hate when people tries to help me because i feel useless. weird right? eh, that's just me, i guess.

i also thought you knew because almost everybody in here knows i'm sad when i type like this; when i don't care about using caps and all that stuff, but now that i analyze it, that happened with people in chat, not out of here. oh well.