User blog:=0D/Journal Entries

'''Hey  guys! It's Marquita! This isn't really your normal blog, but I thought I should do it. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. I only created this to express my feelings better. I found out while emailing a friend that I spill out my feelings better while talking to a friend, so what better way to do this than to talk to friends? I'm not going to put the SUPER personal stuff in here, I mean there are just some things y'all do not need to know. Like I said before, you can choose not to read it if you want, and that's totally fine. Then again, when do you have to have permission to NOT read something, right? Anyways... '''

Wednesday, January 9, 2013
School was boring, as usual. At least I didn't have that feeling that I REALLY want to not do it. You know, that feeling where you have to really force yourself to do something. The big problem with that is, I basically do my own school. I have like a tutor on Mondays that explains everything, but the rest of the week I'm on my own. So if I get that feeling, things usually don't get done. So why again did I mention this?

Guess who is getting braces next week! I went to the dentist today and got spacers. Then next week I will actually get the braces put on! Honestly, I'm not dreading it. I'm actually exited for it. Do you know what that means? It means I need to get a more exciting life. I traced the fact that I am EXCITED to get braces to the fact that I need more excitement, more change (in the good way:)) in my life. You know what? That reminds me of something else.

I really want to act. I haven't acted since the old kids pastor at church left. I would audition, but my mom, dad, and friends don't really know how it works either. I try looking it up on the net (I think I should try looking for pictures, that would probably help) but I'm not getting much. BUT I NEED TO ACT SOON. LIKE NOW!!!! You don't know how much I miss acting. "Acting" when I am messing with my sister just isn't the same. So then my mind drifts to music.

It's a weird thing actually. I like music alot, then I get that into my head that I like music, and then music isn't just as much fun anymore. Then I figure out and tell myself that I realy don't like music and give up on that thought, and then fall in like (honestly it isnt love. ok i guess it is, but not LOVE LOVE LOVE) and then the cicle continues. Maybe it has to do with the people who made it big. Become famous. I want to be like them. Most that I know made it because of music. They all have a passion for music.For some odd reason, my mind subconciencely makes the conclusion that I MUST love music. I do believe that's the way to make it. And now, it's not just because of that, I actually do want to make a band. Unfortunately my closest friend (that I see) doesn't like music like I do, and can't even play an instrument. I know she wouldn't like to play in a band. I hope to find my people soon though. Maybe when I make it into that school (YWLA in San Antonio, and yes, I am just assuming I will make it. Maybe I should say when I go back to public school. Which I most likely will next year.) I will find my people.

Look, I don't really have much friends honestly. I have two from my old elementary school, and one from my 'class' (which contains two students. Me and Hannah. AHAHA!). Wow. Now that I say it WAIT!! An old friend from church! Two actually. But I lost contact with one D0*= (stupid iPod that reset). So lets say about four friends. I'm hoping when I go to public school I will find some more. If not, well, it will be a repeat of my church.

I now have NO friends at church. There was one who was my BEST friend, but long story short she slowly started being friends with these other kids and left me behind. They don't like me. They don't bully me or anything, but you can tell they don't really like me. I actually would rather them tell me what they think of me. I'm not going on about that now. There are two verses of a song I wrote about that. Maybe it wil tell the story better. Well, it won't really tell the story, but it will express my inner feelings :)

I'm all alone

But nobody cares

Nobody misses me when I'm not there

They say hi, hello

And act like the're friends

But then they go and leave me again

And that's only

a few of them

The rest don't really know me

I'm invisible, unseeable

Yet at the same time I'm not transparent

Yeah. I'm still working on that second verse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a song writer. You  might be able to tell that from the way I put the verses. I don't really know how to put it. But when I feel inspiration (which doesn't come to me easily) I write down my feelings. It might take a month or two to willingly write a song. Gosh these spacers are bothering me. Ahaha randomness.

Well, that's it for today. I REALLY should practice piano. AKA keyboard, since this family doesn't own a piano.

Keep rockin it!

~ =0D a.k.a. Marquita