Thread:Red Compassion, Red Love, Red Hate/@comment-6015882-20141005171914/@comment-5384369-20141014022411

It's really good, I really like it, I just have a few notes... Michelle and Robert were the parents of Trinity, whose real name is Alice, and her real, one-and-only family before she was adopted. This is just a bit confusing because you have no real backstory. It seems like it's there just to be there, with no real significance.

There were some moments she had cherished the most and had not forgotten. Moments that were the times where Trinity was the happiest with her parents; her family moments. One of them was her parents' wedding ceremony. At the time, she was only a year old and their parents weren't married--yet engaged--when they had her but were good parents. She felt happy watching her parents tying the knot from her grandmother's lap even though she was merely confused on the fact that her parents had her out of wedlock but nevertheless, she loved them unconditionally and they loved her back. And that was how she liked it. If she's only one, tell it from a different perspective. Most people are unable to remember the thoughts they had as an infant. You could say something about how she kind of remembered (as an infant) cheering or whatever, explain how that was the parents marriage, and thoughts that she assumed she had when she was a baby (from an older perspective)

Living in a peaceful world of a loving family. It was like a dream so perfect that it makes you want to never wake up from it. Trinity wished she could live like this forever. She didn't care about being an only child but being a child of a perfect family that was close-knit and full of love. It had and always been her happy place. It was a home for her heart. Until suddenly, on one summer day, came the day her perfect family life came crashing down. This is good =)

When Trinity was only 4 years old, Robert had been assigned to business trip for three months, leaving her with her mother. It sucks without having her father here even though she was a mommy's girl. Michelle felt lonesome, too, but she got through it by visiting some of her friends, one of them was Edith Green, who became Trinity's favorite person when she met her. Edith was full-figured blonde woman with handsome husband who has a heart of gold. They also have two children named Winnie (19) and Ben (21) who were both honors students at Princeton, whom Trinity had also bonded with. Even though Edith was only there to help Michelle through this long-distance relationship, Trinity loved having her and her two kids around. Hanging out with her family friends became a hobby to help her through the agony of boredom. And also, a really fun thing to do. Again, if she's only about 4, keep the acute details to a minimum. Also, I would suggest changing their age because at 21 and 19 people are usually in college with little to no time to actually be at home.

This happened a little often until the three months of torture had finally came to an end when Robert came home. Even though she missed hanging out with Edith and her college-bound children, Trinity was very happy that her father had came that she gave him a big bear hug that felt like he had been gone forever when he arrived. She was very glad to see him back home and told him what she and her mother did while he was away. However, at the start of the week after the trip, Trinity quickly noticed a few changes in her parents--they seem to be a little distant towards each other. Not spending enough time with each other. Good =)

Maybe it's because of the trip, she thought. The trip must be so long that Daddy and Mommy have to take little baby steps to settle everything down. To Trinity, she thought it was phase and that someday, they would grow out of it. But they didn't. Despite her father's "new work hours" and small distance from her mother, Trinity still hoped and wished for everything to be all resolved. No distance. No short-term absence. Nothing. Just back to normal the way she wants it to be; the happy and loving family she always loved being around.

Then, on one cool Wednesday in October, after she turned five years old, everything changed.

Michelle was going to be out of town to run some errands and decided to let Robert watch Trinity, taking her to work. Her father was initially hesitant about the idea but gave in anyway. Even though she was willing to go with her mom, Trinity loved "Take Your Daughter To Work" Day and happily obliged to the idea.

After what seemed like hours, they finally reached their destination. A domestically suburban house. Being there made Trinity confused. Why are we here? She wondered. I thought we were going to the place Daddy works at. She then thought it might be his boss' home and they might have a meeting in there. All of this seemed very unusual but, to her, it may be the reason why Robert was a little distant from Michelle. After he parked the car, Robert and Trinity came out and walked to the house. He then tells her not to tell her mother about what is going on over there. Trinity has no clue why that. Maybe it's because this meeting is confidential? As much as she wondered, she decided to let it go no matter what would happen there. When they approached to the door, he ringed the doorbell and who answered the door is a very pretty young woman who is practically the same age as him. As they entered, her father greets the woman with a hug and then a kiss. When Trinity saw that, she realized that something was INDEED going on. She knew that her father's boss was a boy and that he ran the business her father works for in a city near Collingswood, her hometown. Apparently, she quickly found out that "long work hours" was actually an excuse he had made up so he can see this woman (whose name is Tess) without Michelle knowing. Dating someone while married to someone else--it has always been something Trinity had loathed the most. She, in her whole life, never saw her father do anything like this. Yet, he did it.

After a remaining silent, sitting in a maroon loveseat while Tess and Robert spend some quality time together, it was time to go. She and her father say goodbye and then head on home. Trinity never said anything about her day. Although she silently resents for his liaisons with Tess, she didn't said anything about their secret relationship because she did not want to ruin everything. She can't not have her parents' perfect marriage to fall apart. Even though not telling about anyone's infidelity isn't really a good solution, she doesn't say one word about it. Held her tongue firmly so she wouldn't slip a thing from her voice that had anything to do with her father and the other woman. She did it for months. Until that very day on May, when she could not stand it no more.

Be aware of the character you're writing. That includes age. Also "no more" is incorrect. Use "any more" instead.

That evening before she went to bed, Trinity overheard her father who was in the living room by himself on the phone with Tess. Without being seen by him, she heard every single word but didn't care about any of them because she didn't want to be the guardian of this unfaithful secret and it really didn't matter to her 'cause he'd just get caught anyway. Unless it's a character speaking, don't use slang. Use "because" not "'cause".

That's when he mentioned about divorcing her mother to be with Tess and their unborn baby--which had happened a week ago. When Trinity heard this, she was furious, and she was sick of this. Tired of keeping her mouth shut. Tired of her father's relationship with Tess. Tired of hiding every detail about it from her mother. Tired of the unfaithfulness. She went her mom who was in her parents' room and then, without any lack of confidence, told her everything, and Michelle was pretty much angry, too. After Trinity goes back to her bedroom and falls asleep, she suddenly wakes up to the sound of rigid shouts from her mom and dad and tried to ignore it by covering her ears with her hands and whispering 'please, stop' to the ceiling, making a wish for one peaceful night of sleep. But it was no use. All Trinity could do was cry and bury her face into her pillow, soaking it. Fortunately, after minutes passed, her body had calmed down and let her rest blissfully despite the ambient noises of her parents arguing remaining until 12:00 a.m.

Then, after a quiet morning of waking up and descending down the stairs for school, Trinity wasn't aware of something big that would change her life forever. At the afternoon, the time she had went home from school, she finds her parents sitting on the kitchen table and asks Trinity to come over so they could talk to her about something. When they mentioned that they decided on getting divorced, she was so shocked she didn't knew what to say or whether or not to cry. Divorce was something Trinity feared of since her whole life because she loved having a picture-perfect family of parents who loved each other very much. It was, what she called it, her happy place. But unfortunately, that happy place was shattered. Like a piece of old, loose, poorly sewn-on patch stripped away from a blanket of fabric, and, there's no putting it back to where it was. Nothing to do. Nothing at all.

She knew that there was no chance of getting back the loving family life back she loved and enjoyed so much.

Overall, you have a really good storyline and plot and you have multiple directions you can go with this story, the only thing is that you don't seem to know or connect with your character. Your character is a small child. And kids at that age don't really have reason or logic, nor can most people recall feelings and details from that age. I would suggest having a time skip ahead to when Trinity is a teenager or whatever, and having it from the perspective of teenage Trinity recalling the story of her childhood when she was small.