Talk:Auslly/@comment-7373920-20130811151742/@comment-4927563-20130811153427

You have a nice plot going. But, a couple things. There are not enough details, readers know almost nothing about Ally's room, school, and everything else. Next thing, her personality is not developed at all. A little about her life is revealed, not enough of her emotions. Readers don't know enough about her to keep reading. You need more length in your first chapter, especially. Readers should be able to connect with the main character, at least a little, by the ending of the first chapter. Last thing, it seems like it's always "I," "I," "I." There's not much, "he looked," "it seemed like," "why ____," and etc. The character seems too anxious. Like, you're rushing through the whole thing. Revise these things, and your fanfic will be great! :D Hope I helped!