User blog comment:Doggygirl10/Auslly Fanfic, Part 1: I Like Austin/@comment-5384369-20130420175642

I really like the plot; I think that it’s really interesting. I just think there could be a few things to add to it. Don’t take this the wrong way: Add a setting = Don’t just go right into the story; add at least a little bit of setting. You did a good job of giving a place, but give a little of what was happening before. It doesn’t even have to be that long. “Example: Ally was working in a deserted Sonic Boom, emptying boxes, placing each instrument in there correct place, while simultaneously attempting to write some ideas in her song book. She looked up to see Austin, walk through the door…… Add some real dialogue= Don’t make it like: Ally:……. Austin:……. Ally:……. Austin:….. It just makes it look list-y. Include more action = just a few simple things. Instead of saying Austin hid under the counter, you could add something like “Once hearing his name, Austin darted underneath the counter, pressing his head on the glass to listen to the conversation. Make it more descriptive: Again, create some real full sentences. Add emotion feelings: Again, full sentences so it seems more interesting. For example: ‘Ally sighed, giving into Trish’s advantages. “I like Austin.” Trish started bouncing on her heels after hearing the news, obviously excited. “Really? That's great!” She squealed.’